I read the blogs and comments and laughed it off. Who will believe all the conspiracy theories? Just because JK won a tech award, all the lenses have been pointed at his life, his background, and his history. I saw a post by a random person saying I met JK at a party before going to the university. I did not recognise the name, but that person must have known me or someone who does. No one was there to agree or disagree with the comment.
When they were tired, they would move on to the next big scandal. In Nigeria, it was a scandal every other market day. At best, a story will be on for 2 or 3 weeks. Still, something else always came up, and trust Nigerians to take the matter into their own hands, discussing strangers’ personal issues with so much passion and conviction that one would think they had slept and woken up in the same room with the strangers. No action, no solution, heated arguments and unsolicited advice. It was the 21st-century equivalent of market-square gossip. If we diverted the same energy to solving our national issues, the nation wouldn’t be where it is.
I swiped away from social media to my email, bringing up Meena’s email. I held back responding to her. If I were to start divorce proceedings, JK would know we were in touch, and he would be pissed off that I withheld this information from him, which would damage the access I currently have to him. Moreover, JK would not agree to a divorce without putting up resistance.
Talk about the devil. JK’s call came through. Without any greeting, his voice blaring through my phone, “I would not be needing your Investigator.”
“Why?”I asked, a dread coming over me, another dent to my plans.
“I changed my mind.” His tone sounded final, the kind he must be using in his negotiations. I could not be intimidated by any tone; I have seen much worse in the courtroom or with some unruly clients who think money has made them gods and given them license to speak without being spoken back to.
“Are you not looking for your wife anymore?” I ventured to ask.
“I did not call to be interrogated by you. You seem to think that I do not know that Meena would have been in contact with you women. I have never believed it, and I still do not.”
And just like that, the call went dead. JK had ended the call. Does this guy have some sixth sense? My access to every piece of information from the Investigator would have been my cue to filter any information he received. My frustration was building up. Meena had been gone for more than three months now, and I was no closer to making him see me as the woman he needs. If I have been patient for 10 years and now suddenly fortune has smiled on me with Meena leaving, what is 12 months more of waiting? JK, you can run for all you want. I will get you this time. There is no comeback from Meena. She would never take you back. I sank into my chair, my gaze on the ceiling. I had an exit clause in my marriage to Sheriff. I would finally be with the one I have loved all these years.
I waited for two hours and still did not hear from Hauwau. This was very unlike her. She would have fired me with emails threatening me to call her as soon as possible. The silence was louder than her many shrieks in person.
It is official. My friends hated me! I stayed away because I could not afford to take chances. JK will have his eyes on them, very sure they will have information about my location.
The girls and I had just come in. I picked them from school, which was a short five-minute walk from the house, on the days my schedule allowed it. On other days, the elderly housekeeper Madam Asanatou did. Banjul was a quieter and slower-paced town than Abuja. The population for the whole area was comparable to that of Asokoro or Jabi. The Gambians were friendly, and the girls and I settled in nicely.
I feel guilty about taking the girls from JK, but I couldn’t have left my precious babies alone, and I needed to take a walk. I could have been wrong, but I still think I could demonstrate resilience in any other situation, but not infidelity.
I sighed as I stepped into the cold air-conditioned house. The heat was something else. Abuja heat would have prepared us for Banjul. But no, the weather was something I could never get used to. I prefer the cold weather, but Anastasiya, a colleague who comes originally from Russia, warns me to be careful what I ask for.
It’s been three months since I left JK without a hint. I booked a flight to Lagos under a different name, and from there, we travelled to Accra by road and then took a flight to the Gambia.
I wasn’t stupid enough to leave any tracks. I did not want to be found. I needed to just disappear and build a life for myself and the girls.
I started work with the Gambian branch of my office in Nigeria. Still, two weeks after my resumption, there came another opportunity to work with UNESCO in the country. It was a perfect opening for me. I applied, and six weeks after a series of interviews, I got the role. I was extremely excited because the work time was flexible, allowing me to fit it around my kids. The girls attended the bilingual international school, paid for by the company. We were comfortable, and I could not complain.
I am already thinking of bringing my mum. She is still upset with me. And all my reasons why appear not to resonate with her.
I threatened not to call her again if she keeps moaning about JK. She should accept my decision and refrain from discussing him with me. I did not want to know what he did or anything about it. I was surprised he had not married the lady carrying his son. With the way his mother was excited about the birth of her grandson, one would think that they would have completed the marriage rites quickly and moved on with their lives. Maybe it was a quiet wedding. Whatever, it was not my business. I tried to convince myself I did not care. Still, I was the one poring over the Internet looking for updates on Jamal Kolawole Lawson or Lawson Technologies. JK had clinched that contract he was working on before I left. I knew, as it was all splashed over the news and one of the top technology blogs, I followed because of him. Luckily, his personal life had not been featured on those gossip blog sites.
I closed all my social media accounts and operated under a pseudonym. This was to keep in touch with friends, but it was more like ghosting, as I could never comment or give away my identity.
So, I stalked him through his pages, not that anything was going on there. He had not posted anything in the last four months. He had zero presence on social media.
Yes, I was that pathetic. I justified my actions. And I would not admit that I still love JK. I had a responsibility to know he was okay as the father of my girls.
In a moment of weakness, I dialed his number the moment I found out he won the contract, and I was expecting another child. JK picked the call and kept repeating “hello,” while I held on relishing the sound of his voice unable to utter a word. I broke down in silent tears when he asked, “Is that you, Meena?” Holding onto my mobile phone as if my life depended on it. I wanted to ask him how he was doing and congratulate him on his big win. I wanted to let him know we were expecting our third child. I just held on till he cut the call. If only I could forget why and how we got to this point.
I cradled my stomach, feeling life growing inside of me. Finding out that I am expecting our third child was a bittersweet feeling. Surprised because I had put measures in place not to have any more children, and shocked, as this was not the time in my life to carry a child and do so alone without JK. I wished I could turn the hands of the clock back again when all was good between us. I tortured myself with the thoughts of how excited JK would have been, even though we were not expecting it. It was still a blessing from God and worth celebrating. If it were a boy, it would have been his mother’s answered prayer. If it were a girl, we would have been ecstatic at the arrival of yet another version of me and the array of pink ribbons and dresses that forever adorned our home. They all came with their unique personality. You couldn’t help but fall in love with them and marvel at how these tiny, perfect beings came from two imperfect beings, and how quickly they kept growing, keeping you on your toes. The sassiness and know-it-all get to me on some days, the confidence and innocence bring out the fire to protect them as much as I can from the evil in the world. I remain their biggest cheerleader, letting them know they can be anything they choose to be, and nothing can stop them.
Parts of this work first appeared on this blog under the title, Omowashe Omorishe.
Fear to Fall is set in the sights and sounds of the boisterous city of Lagos chronicling the life of a career-driven Nigerian lady in the banking sector.
The twist and turns of life’s curveballs are thrown unexpectedly; the intertwining ofromance, friendship, loyalty and family drama leaves you captivated and wanting more. To what length would you go for the one you love? This is a book to tuck away and lose yourself in the wonder of contemporary Nigerian romance told in a first-person narrative. You would love, laugh and cry with the characters.
Available only in ebook format on #okadabooks #applebooks #amazon#rakutenkobobooks #tolino #vivlio #barnes&noble #scribd #baker&taylor #overdrive #24symbols #bibliotheca
Some friends are worse than enemies. If you find a good one, keep them close, for they are diamonds.
The weekend came faster than she expected. Good thing she had a date with Emma. Dunni did not know how much she had missed their time together until Emma showed up with their favourite wine, Barefoot Bubbly Pink Moscato. Dunni had ordered the ice cream and masa, and some grilled spiced meat popularly called suya.
Wearing a mini jeans skirt and a yellow fitted tee-shirt, Dunni slotted the USB drive into the Samsung TV and settled to watch the Matrix.
It was an intense two and a half hours film. Anyone seeing them would have thought they had exams to write after the movie.
“Gosh! That was so my movie!” exclaimed Emma. There should be a sequel.
“Yours truly is a Nigerian. If the film does not have part 2 or 3, then it is not complete. The film is okay as a standalone.” Dunni argued.
“Well, I still feel there should be more.”
“You could write to the producers,” Dunni teased.
“I just might,” Emma replied, seriously thinking of it.
“Wow! Now I have to face the not so nice part of driving home when all I want to do is go straight to bed. “You could sleepover but don’t know how many husbands will let their wives do that.”
“Definitely not Greg.”
“I am surprised that he has not called you all this time.
Emma laughed. I warned him not to monitor my time out. He had the kids to himself and will see me when he sees me.
“Hmm, is that the boss lady speaking or Emma, the docile wife,” Dunni teased.
“Boss lady, sometimes we mothers and wives need the time to let down our hairs and be girls again. We get too bogged down with our roles as wives and mothers and forget who we are, what our dreams were and who we wanted to be. Then the kids are out, hubby has made a good career. In contrast, we have either gotten stuck in a flexible career or remain sit-at-home mums feeling defeated, and that the world is our enemy.”
Dunni looks on thoughtfully.
“Aww, should not have said that,” Emma apologised.
“None of what you said is wrong. It makes a whole lot of sense and useful information for the future when I fulfil my mother’s wish of taking on the MRS title,” replied Dunni.
Emma looked at Dunni with remorse. “I have to ask you for forgiveness before I share this with you and I don’t want you to be offended. The last time you called me, I was a little bit off because I had allowed someone to mess with my head. Don’t ask me who but I was told to be careful of you being a single lady and all…. The possibility that you may have something to do with my husband. An affair or a love child whatever. I was stupid to let that get to me,” she grimaced.
Dunni sat stunned at Emma. “You believed that crap about me?” asked Dunni, disappointment was written all over her face.
“I am sorry, Dunni. She had shared the story of two friends we knew who used to be really close, and the other friend had her children for the friend’s husband. Every time her friend asked her who the father was, she never said, and they were tight friends. All the while, the two women had kids for the same man only that one was married and the other was outside. They were tighter friends than we are. I don’t think it was the intention of the friend to go after her friend’s husband. Just that stuff happens, and I shudder to think such should happen to us.”
“It is depressing that you could think that of me. I would protect what we have with my blood, Emma if it means me going out of your life for good I will do it before such evil befalls us. How can you even think about it? That I will go after your husband. This is crazy. You have messed up with my head too. Gosh, good for you to share but bad for us to still be close friends.”
“What do you mean?” Emma stuttered, seeing the angry look on her friends face.
“I mean, our friendship is over. I can’t come near you or your husband without me thinking that somewhere you may have thought I could cause a rift in your home. I am not that friend and trust has been broken the moment you believed I could betray you.”
“You are joking, right?” Emma asked, shocked at Dunni’s reaction.
“No, I am not, I can’t be friends with someone who finds it so easy to think the worst of me. If you don’t mind, I think I need to be somewhere now.”
“I am sorry, Dunni.”
“Apology accepted. We can be acquaintances, but we can no longer be close friends.”
Emma felt Dunni was taking this out of proportion, but nothing she could say or do at this moment will change her mind, so she grabbed her bag and car key and left.
Dunni did the same as soon as Emma was out. She drove around aimlessly until she found herself in front of Moses house. What was wrong with all her friends? Her mother stopped mounting pressure on her while her friends had picked the baton even her gate man appeared not to be left out!
I played with my phone while I waited for JK to finish his call but was distracted by the aroma of fresh stew coming from the kitchen. My stomach growled in defiance, and I struggled with concentrating on the email that just came in.
It was from Meena! I gazed at JK, he was still busy with his phone. I scanned the email, and the news brightened my day in two ways, money and a step towards my goal. She insisted I get paid for my service as her lawyer to start her divorce proceedings. She wanted me to draft the divorce papers, email her to sign and deliver to JK.
“Is that good news?” I almost passed out. Wasn’t he on a call any longer?
“Just an email from a client,” That was not a lie, it just wasn’t the absolute truth. I needed to get in touch with Meena if this was what she really wanted. The moment the lines were signed. I will have my chance as the next Mrs JK.”
A rumble from my stomach reminded me I had not eaten this morning. That aroma coming from the kitchen was doing its number on me. Cooking was not my thing. I left that to Meena and Sa’a. I was not leaving here without a bowl of what the witch mother or mother- devil was cooking. I would kneel at her feet if that was what it will take.
“The Private Investigator got caught in traffic and has turned back. He wanted to find out if you had had any form of contact from Meena; call, email, watsapp, liked or commented on any of your post on social media posting.”
“Are those the questions he is asking?” I asked in disbelief.
“When he should have been out there gleaning every information, he can lay his hands on. If need be, hack into phones, systems, databases etc. I began to doubt his capabilities the moment you said he was waiting on the airline authorities for the airlines’ manifesto. Where did you get such an incompetent fellow from?” I fumed and to be fair to the guy he had asked a valid question no matter how irrelevant it sounded but I was not going to tell JK about this recent email yet. I still needed to read the email properly and strategise my next line of action.
“He was recommended to me as the best in his field.”
“This is someone who has not been able to give you a clue in three months of Meena disappearance? I am not sure what field he is playing in,” I shook my head appalled at JK’ s slowness to relieve the guy of his duties if he was not delivering on the job.
“I can recommend one or two of the guys we use in my law firm,” I offered. Holding my breath if he would take up my offer. I knew just the right guy he would work for both of us and only release the information I wanted him to and when. The universe must have my back on this mission as everything I needed appeared to fall within my reach with ease.
“Send the best out of the two to my office tomorrow. I don’t have the luxury of time for interviews and a selection.”
“Not a problem, I would do that as soon as possible.”
“Hauwau,” JK called my name and paused. He appeared to be struggling with what to say. My heart lost a bit as I paused, wondering if he had finally seen the light -to see me for who I am. The woman who has been forever in love with him. My hopes are high, and the two or three seconds were like eternity.
“I know you women don’t like me now. You think I have let your friend down. I love her from the first day I set my eyes and will love her till I die. There can never be anyone for me except Meena.”
I could strangle JK right now. How blind and dumb can men be? He is professing his love for Meena who will serve him divorce papers, and here I am ready to jump at any affection he throws my way. Yet, he treats me like a piece of furniture.
“I have to be going,” I announced abruptly, ready to leave when the whiff of the aroma from the kitchen hit my nostrils.
“Can you help with a bowl of your mum’s stew, please?”
“Irresistible?” he winked at me, and my heart dropped to my feet. I was drowning in this my one-sided love affair but convincing with time, he would fall in love with me eventually. I shrugged unashamed – stew I must have o! if I can’t have the man today.
He laughed, the first I had heard since this whole Meena’s disappearance saga started. Giving a glimpse to the guy I fell in love with many years ago. I loved this part of JK and wished he could return to his old playful self. These days, he was always looking stressed and worried. Not even clinching the multi-billion telecom deal in the country, the first week Meena left could make him loosen up. He shut to prominence the week Meena left. Sadly, she was not by his side to celebrate this milestone.
JK went into the kitchen and came out with a bowl of stew, leaving my mouth opened to a perfect O. I looked behind him half expecting to see witch mother behind him with some choice words I deserved for stealing her fresh fish stew. Technically she hadn’t given me.
“How did you get Mama to release her stew? I would have gone myself; it was that easy.”
“I’ll take this away,” JK held the bowl, leaving my outstretched arms dangling. “You can go and get yours from her.”
“Not so fast, JK, I was only joking. You need to hear her words to Sa’a and myself earlier today. I swear she hates us.”
“She does not. She is only hurting like every one of us is right now, but we all have different ways of handling situations. She’s like a porcupine lashing out at others with her pines while trying to protect herself. The girls were her world.”
I am dumbfounded. It appears we were talking about two different people but hey who cares, I got my stew, and that’s cool for me. I still need her far away from her son, though.
“I have a gala night in my honour by the State Governor next weekend, you want to come? I could really help with a known face for the night,” he asked. The confident suave JK was looking so unsure.
I did not want to sound so eager, so I asked if I could think about. My dreams are all coming true.
I need to start work and speed up Meena’s divorce proceedings. But first, I must make a call to her mum. I doubt the call she mentioned to JK was Meena’s first call. I am almost sure she knew where her daughter was and had been sworn to secrecy. The attorney-client privilege afforded me the right to know all the details of my client, and mummy dearest had better start talking.
I recall the first day I met JK. It was the summer holidays, and I had gone to a party with my cousins who were friends of JK. I was introduced to him and got blown away by this handsome bloke. He had Denzel Washington oozing from his being. I was tongue-tied and unable to say any intelligible word except a hello that was so low I was not sure if I had voiced it out or it was in my head. The warmth in his smile that lit up his eyes and the surge of electricity in his handshake shocking me to reality was all I could think about after our meeting. Thankfully, I was saved from further embarrassment when Abdul, my cousin, pulled me to come to meet another friend.
All through the party, my eyes kept going back to have another look at this Adonis. At the end of the party, although we never spoke, I was swooning that I had found my prince charming. JK was the boy for me. I declined all advances from other guys saving myself for JK, convinced without any doubt that the universe will cause our parts to cross again. Then he will profess his undying love for me.
A year later. Our parts did cross, and he professed his undying love but not to me. JK was a social butterfly. Once I had that information. I was at as many parties on campus, but he never acknowledged my presence. It was like we had never met. I was crushed but never gave up that he would come around and suddenly realise I was the yin to his yang.
Tired of going to these parties. I had practically dragged Meena who was nose into a novel she was reading to a party. My heart somersaulted in ecstasy as JK walked his way towards us. Finally, he recognised me and would profess his love for me.
The shame and disappointment I felt as he walked over to Meena. I watched him as he took the book away from her telling her she was at a party and not the library. The humiliation of choosing my friend he only met seconds ago over me was one I could not easily forget. He smiled at me and nodded his head as he pulled her to follow him to the dance floor while she gazed at me helplessly to come to her rescue. I did what any girl would do and smiled back while holding the tears that threatened to fall, pushing Meena towards him playfully.
I left Meena at the party that night heartbroken. She came back furious I had left her at the party and how she looked everywhere for me. JK had walked her back to campus. He had come every day to our room chasing Meena who was not interested.
They finally started going out in our her third year on campus. By then, I had come to the sad reality that JK was oblivious to my existence and only knew me as Meena’s friend.
The day they started dating was the day; my hatred and dislike for him began. Meena could not understand it despite much prodding.
I told her I was not sure he wouldn’t hurt her and I did not want to see her hurt.
How could I tell my friend that I loved the man she was dating? I learnt to live with it. Gave in to the first guy that asked me out and married the first guy who proposed marriage. My heart was devoid of love. It could only love one guy that I could not have.
That was all in history, and I have the power to write my future. I was not going to sit back as I did many years ago. I was going to take destiny into my hands and do what I should have done long ago.
Meena has left him, and I would help him pick the pieces of his broken heart. My love alone will be enough for both of us.
It’s been three months and no one has heard from Meena. I can’t understand how someone can disappear in this age and time with no clue.
JK’s private investigator is yet to come out with any meaningful leads. He is still exploring all the airline manifesto on the day she left. I have been beside myself with worry while trying to calm her mother that all is well. JK is a shadow of himself. He is barely functioning, a shadow of his former trying to keep up with his daily routine of going to work and keeping the company running.
The whole saga started with Bimpe overhearing JK’s mom complain of Meena not able to give her a grandson. The plan conceived and executed to get JK in the same hotel as her with her boyfriend as an accomplice.
It was all a lie to siphon money from JK and you could visibly see the weight off his shoulders from relief when she confessed he did not touch her and the baby was not his.
The length people can go for money is alarming but the length people would go for love is disarming. This is where the real story begins.
It’s been no hidden secret that I have never been a fan of JK the perfect boyfriend turned husband and like all other men I tolerated after my husband with his philandering ways had done a number on me. I am not bitter. I mistrust and deal with them from afar. I can’t trust this foolish heart of mine not to fall in love again. I was aloof and dealt with the opposite sex on a professional basis with my guards up. One of the old recipes of love budding is time spent together. The extreme is love at first sight and the modern day is “what you can get” defining love.
As I stepped out of my car, Sa’a was also driving in. So I waited for her in the hot sun blaring down my face, fishing for my Gucci shades in my bag, I wore them and walked over to join Sa’a.
We were here because JK had requested we come over to the house for a meeting with the Private Investigator who had told him of some leads but wanted to ask questions to some theories he postulated. So it was basically another boring and senseless questioning session.
I turned to the direction of the sound of a car coming to the driveway and there was Meena’s mother- in- law getting down from the car even before the car came to a halt. We stepped forward and offered a greeting she snubbed.
“That foolish friend of yours with her erratic ways will not be the downfall of my son. She could not give him a male child and has the guts to make trouble. I warned JK but he would not listen now he has to make his bed and lie on it. I hope he has the common sense to start thinking of getting a new wife to replace her fast.”
We both drew a sharp breath unconsciously shocked at the venom in her words. Meena had given us some of the stories of her encounter with the woman and the no love lost between them but we did not know how bad it was.
She looked at us queerly.
“What are you doing here anyway? Your friend no longer lives here so you should not come here anymore, or is one of you hoping to take her place?” She asked with a smug look I wanted to slap off her face should she have been another woman.
We were saved from answering when JK drove in. He was behind the wheels with the driver in the passenger seat.
He came down, handing the key to the driver who now drove the car out to run some errands.
My wayward heart did a somersault at the sight of him. He had grown his beard, although looking unkempt but handsome in a rugged way. His eyes were red from lack of sleep. My heart reached out to him and I reminded myself this was my friend’s husband. I can’t go there. Yes, I hated JK or so I made myself believe. It was my defense mechanism over the years but more from him choosing my friend over me. I had secretly loved JK for as long as I can remember before Meena came into the picture. Meena joked that whatever I wanted I got, what she did not know was the only thing I ever wanted so badly and I never got was hers yet she had willingly thrown him away.
They say heartbreak is the worst pain, but I think it’s fair play compared to betrayal.
My love, best friend and confident. I could trust JK with my life. I could overlook a casual affair as time goes on, but a constant reminder of his adultery packaged in what I had not been able to give him was a pain akin to no other.
It’s been three days of hell. Funny how the pain from my thought and speculation that there was someone else dulled to what I felt now.
My brain has not been able to process beyond the fact that JK had a child outside with someone else while we were married.
What game was destiny was playing on me? Okay, it had never bothered us the sex of our kids. We had two lovely daughters, and nowJK had a son to carry his name that was not borne by me.
Where did I go wrong? How did I get so careless that my husband was now in the league of those who had children outside wedlock?
I stole a look at him beside me on the plane back to Lagos.
We had not spoken since he dropped his bombshell.
Well, that will not be true. I was the one who has not talked to JK. He had been doing all the talking, but he could have been speaking to the statue of liberty or the statue of the three wise men in Lagos.
He begged, apologised and asked me to meet out any punishment I wanted, and he would gladly observe. He promised me heaven and earth, but I was far gone to care whatever he said.
There was no using crying over spilt milk. JK did commit a sacrilege to our marriage, and its effect will be in our lives forever.
I still did not know my next step. I was exhausted and still in shock.
My life and all I had built with JK had come crumbling down like a pack of cards.
The silence in the room could break a glass. I was screaming on the inside but uttered no word. Weeping yet no tears. It was one thing to speculate and conclude but another to find out all your fears had come true. Worse still, someone had given your spouse what should have come from you, but you have been unable to provide.
“Say something,” JK whispered.
Why was he whispering anyway we were still the hotel room.
I refused to look into his eyes or acknowledge his request.
It was over between us. I knew that as sure as I knew my name, but I had no clue what my next plan was.
I had lost faith in the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life.I had lost faith in marriage, and it’s promise of forever.
I had lost faith in myself that it was possible to hit rock bottom and still go further down.
I sat and stared at nothing. Then I felt JK’s hands like a scotch of fire. I withdrew mine instantly. I could no longer bear any close contact with him.I did not need some days to work this out.I knew it was over for us.
I take a mental stock of what we shared and still can’t understand how we got here.
We sat there saying nothing. JK was speaking, but the hurt would not let me hear the words or make sense of his pleas.
Yes JK was in tears, but I was beyond any emotion.
I had returned to who I was before we met – “The ice queen.”
The girl with a wall built around her heart to shield off possible hurt by friends.
I had my close group who could never match the ice queen to the hot, fun living girl they knew but that was my defence mechanism.
And today that girl had returned. I would never place myself in the position to be hurt again.
I loved the thrill I got from the shock in JK’s voice. The one-minute silence before the barrage of questions. When did I plan the trip? What was I going to Paris to do? Who was with the kids? Why did I not discuss this with him? What is happening here? When are you coming back? To we need to talk when you come back. As the questions flew like gunshots, I was fuming and daring him in my head to forbid me from making the trip. I had thrown caution to the wind and wanted to hurt him in every possible way, so he felt the same pain I felt at finding out, I was no longer at the top of his priority list. I had been displaced by someone else.
Was I curious? Yes. I wondered who she was. What she looked like and what attracted him to her. Am I going paranoid? My daily browsing through his phone convinced me he was about to or into an affair. Although, I still had not confronted him with on what I knew. Somehow I wanted it to be a lie, hoping that by not talking or acknowledging, it would all go away. I was hurting and lashing out. There was no rational or logical approach to my recent actions.
I ended the call entirely satisfied. It was just the beginning. I was going to make JK pay and go through the same hell I was living in now.
I settled into my seat with the hope that I might be able to sleep during the flight but alas I had this woman beside me who was too chatty for my liking.
I tried answering all her questions with monosyllables and nods with smiles that said I want to be alone but either she chose to deliberately ignore or was just psychologically stupid not to pick up my innuendos. The former I later found out was the case. I gave up on sleep and chatted with the dimwit woman, or so I thought and found I had met a soul mate even though I was reluctant at first.
She brought out a book “Love Dare” which piqued my curiosity. “What book is that?”
“It’s a 40 days devotion on saving your marriage. They also have the film and the novel – Fireproof. You might be able to watch the movie on the flight.”
“No, give me a book on how to wreck a marriage. I am done with saving. It’s just too tiresome and yields no result.”
“Why don’t you watch the film? It’s a long flight, and you can tell me your thoughts on it.”
I reluctantly watched the film and had a thing or two to say. It looked like where my marriage was, but it was not in us women to wander. The unfaithful partner here was unbelievable the woman.
“It’s not for us to be unfaithful,” I commented to my new friend.
“But that is not to say we are saints. Can I let you into a secret? I have almost been there before sanity snatched me from the highway of destruction I was willingly walking.
It felt so right that it started as an innocent, genuine friendship. The man was having issues with his wife at home, and my husband was battling to save his business. Our lives were too busy and at varying tangents. I could do with a friend who genuinely cared.
We crossed boundaries with every red light shining, but I always rationalised it. Until the day we found ourselves in a hotel kissing and groping at each other. Like a flash of lighting, I was fortunate to come back to my senses. I knew it was wrong. I could not do it. I picked my clothes and ran out of the room.
My ears tingled as I looked at the woman before me. Infidelity is never written on faces and if it were, certainly not this lady sitting beside me. She looked noble, respected and contented. I wondered why she was telling me. She did not have a clue of what I was going through but was hitting deeply at the issues of my heart.
Why did you run? What came to your mind? I asked curiously wondering all the while if I had it me to be unfaithful. However doing it to hurt JK seemed a good excuse.
“Marriage is a covenant. Some say it’s a contract you do your part I do mine. When a marriage goes through stuff, it might be one person tirelessly doing the right thing without expecting a reward till the partner comes around. Therein, is the test of all marriages.
“I buy the contract school of thought. I am not stupid. We both come half way to the table. No one is superior to the other. You can’t go about misbehaving and expect the second party to keep doing it all to keep the home. I am at a place in my life where I am wondering if I should walk out or stay put,”
“I won’t be able to tell you which. I have not walked your road, but deep in your heart, you know what to do. You might want to try this before throwing the towel and walking away.
21stcenturybelle 