Meena’s Diary – 21stcenturybelle

Meena’s Diary#28

Marriage like friendship is a tricky one. One day, the sky is blue and the sun shines so brightly and the next day it’s like a dark cloud on a stormy night. What happens when love is not enough?

Meena…

I waited for two hours and still did not hear from Hauwau. This was very unlike her. She would have fired me with emails threatening me to call her asap. The silence was louder than her many shrieks in person.

It is official. My friends hated me! I stayed away because I could not afford to take chances. JK will have his eyes on them, very sure they will have information about my location.

The girls and I had just come in. I picked them from school, which was a short five minutes’ walk from the house on the days my schedule allowed it. On other days, the elderly housekeeper Madam Asanatou did. Banjul was a quieter and slower pace town than Abuja. The population for the whole area was what you probably would find in Asokoro or Jabi. The Gambian people were friendly, and the girls and I settled in nicely.

I feel guilty taking the girls from JK, but I could not have left my precious babies alone, and I needed to take a walk. I could have been wrong, but I still think I could demonstrate resilience in any other situation but not infidelity.

I sighed as I stepped into the cold air-conditioned house. The heat was something else. One would have thought that Abuja heat would have prepared us for that of Banjul. But no, the weather was something I could never get used to. I think I prefer the cold weather, but Anastasiya, a colleague who comes originally from Russia, warns me to be careful what I ask for.

It’s been three months I left JK without a hint. I booked a flight to Lagos under a different name, and from Lagos, we went to Accra by road and took off to the Gambia by flight.

I was not stupid to leave any tracks. I did not want to be found. I needed to just disappear and build a life for myself and the girls.

I started work with the Gambian branch of my office in Nigeria. Still, two weeks after my resumption, there came another opportunity to work with UNESCO in the country. It was a perfect opening for me. I applied, and six weeks after a series of interviews, I got the role. I was super excited as the work time was flexible, and I could fit around my kids. The girls attended the bilingual international school paid by the company. We were comfortable, and I could not complain.

I am already thinking of bringing my mum. She is still upset with me. And all my reasons why appear not to resonate with her.

I threatened not to call her again if she keeps moaning about JK. She should accept my decision and not talk about him to me. I did not want to know what he did and anything about it. I was surprised he had not married the lady carrying his son. With the way his mother was excited about the birth of her grandson, one would think that they would have completed the marriage rites quickly and moved on with their lives. Maybe it was a quiet wedding. Whatever, it was not my business. I tried to convince myself I did not care. Still, I was the one poring the Internet looking for updates on Jamal Kolawole Lawson or Lawson Technologies. JK had clinched that contract he was working on before I left. I knew as it was all splashed over the news and one of the top technologies blogs, I followed because of him. Luckily, his personal life had not made it to those gossip blog sites.

I closed all my social media account and operated under a pseudo. This was to keep in touch with friends, well, more like ghosting as I could never comment, or I would give away my identity.

So, I think I stalk him through his pages not that anything was going on there. He had not posted a thing in the last four months. He had zero presence on social media.

Yes, I was that pathetic. I justified the reasons for my actions. And would not admit that I still love JK. I had a responsibility to know he was okay as the father of my girls.

In a moment of weakness, I dialled his number the moment I found out he won the contract. JK picked the call and kept repeating “hello,” while I held on relishing the sound of his voice unable to utter a word. I broke down in silent tears when he asked, “Is that you Meena?” Holding onto my mobile phone as if my life depended on it. I wanted to ask him how he was, I wanted to congratulate him for his big win. I wanted to let him know we were expecting our third child. I just held on till he cut the call. If only I could forget why and how we got to this point.

Meena’s Diary#27

I played with my phone while I waited for JK to finish his call but was distracted by the aroma of fresh stew coming from the kitchen. My stomach growled in defiance, and I struggled with concentrating on the email that just came in.

It was from Meena! I gazed at JK, he was still busy with his phone. I scanned the email, and the news brightened my day in two ways, money and a step towards my goal. She insisted I get paid for my service as her lawyer to start her divorce proceedings. She wanted me to draft the divorce papers, email her to sign and deliver to JK.

“Is that good news?” I almost passed out. Wasn’t he on a call any longer?

“Just an email from a client,” That was not a lie, it just wasn’t the absolute truth. I needed to get in touch with Meena if this was what she really wanted. The moment the lines were signed. I will have my chance as the next Mrs JK.”

A rumble from my stomach reminded me I had not eaten this morning. That aroma coming from the kitchen was doing its number on me. Cooking was not my thing. I left that to Meena and Sa’a. I was not leaving here without a bowl of what the witch mother or mother- devil was cooking. I would kneel at her feet if that was what it will take.

“The Private Investigator got caught in traffic and has turned back. He wanted to find out if you had had any form of contact from Meena; call, email, watsapp, liked or commented on any of your post on social media posting.”

“Are those the questions he is asking?” I asked in disbelief.

“When he should have been out there gleaning every information, he can lay his hands on. If need be, hack into phones, systems, databases etc. I began to doubt his capabilities the moment you said he was waiting on the airline authorities for the airlines’ manifesto. Where did you get such an incompetent fellow from?” I fumed and to be fair to the guy he had asked a valid question no matter how irrelevant it sounded but I was not going to tell JK about this recent email yet. I still needed to read the email properly and strategise my next line of action.

“He was recommended to me as the best in his field.”

“This is someone who has not been able to give you a clue in three months of Meena disappearance? I am not sure what field he is playing in,” I shook my head appalled at JK’ s slowness to relieve the guy of his duties if he was not delivering on the job.

“I can recommend one or two of the guys we use in my law firm,” I offered. Holding my breath if he would take up my offer. I knew just the right guy he would work for both of us and only release the information I wanted him to and when. The universe must have my back on this mission as everything I needed appeared to fall within my reach with ease.

“Send the best out of the two to my office tomorrow. I don’t have the luxury of time for interviews and a selection.”

“Not a problem, I would do that as soon as possible.”

“Hauwau,” JK called my name and paused. He appeared to be struggling with what to say. My heart lost a bit as I paused, wondering if he had finally seen the light -to see me for who I am. The woman who has been forever in love with him. My hopes are high, and the two or three seconds were like eternity.

“I know you women don’t like me now. You think I have let your friend down. I love her from the first day I set my eyes and will love her till I die. There can never be anyone for me except Meena.”

I could strangle JK right now. How blind and dumb can men be? He is professing his love for Meena who will serve him divorce papers, and here I am ready to jump at any affection he throws my way. Yet, he treats me like a piece of furniture.

“I have to be going,” I announced abruptly, ready to leave when the whiff of the aroma from the kitchen hit my nostrils.

“Can you help with a bowl of your mum’s stew, please?”

“Irresistible?” he winked at me, and my heart dropped to my feet. I was drowning in this my one-sided love affair but convincing with time, he would fall in love with me eventually. I shrugged unashamed – stew I must have o! if I can’t have the man today.

He laughed, the first I had heard since this whole Meena’s disappearance saga started. Giving a glimpse to the guy I fell in love with many years ago. I loved this part of JK and wished he could return to his old playful self. These days, he was always looking stressed and worried. Not even clinching the multi-billion telecom deal in the country, the first week Meena left could make him loosen up. He shut to prominence the week Meena left. Sadly, she was not by his side to celebrate this milestone.

JK went into the kitchen and came out with a bowl of stew, leaving my mouth opened to a perfect O. I looked behind him half expecting to see witch mother behind him with some choice words I deserved for stealing her fresh fish stew. Technically she hadn’t given me.

“How did you get Mama to release her stew? I would have gone myself; it was that easy.”

“I’ll take this away,” JK held the bowl, leaving my outstretched arms dangling. “You can go and get yours from her.”

“Not so fast, JK, I was only joking. You need to hear her words to Sa’a and myself earlier today. I swear she hates us.”

“She does not. She is only hurting like every one of us is right now, but we all have different ways of handling situations. She’s like a porcupine lashing out at others with her pines while trying to protect herself. The girls were her world.”

I am dumbfounded. It appears we were talking about two different people but hey who cares, I got my stew, and that’s cool for me. I still need her far away from her son, though.

“I have a gala night in my honour by the State Governor next weekend, you want to come? I could really help with a known face for the night,” he asked. The confident suave JK was looking so unsure.

I did not want to sound so eager, so I asked if I could think about. My dreams are all coming true.

I need to start work and speed up Meena’s divorce proceedings. But first, I must make a call to her mum. I doubt the call she mentioned to JK was Meena’s first call. I am almost sure she knew where her daughter was and had been sworn to secrecy. The attorney-client privilege afforded me the right to know all the details of my client, and mummy dearest had better start talking.

Meena’s Diary#26

I was brought back from my reverie with a nudge from Sa’a. “ Are you okay?” She asked with much concern, and I felt guilty to be a recipient of such kindness. I hated myself for what I was about to do but justified my action – something I find myself to be doing these days. It may be a way of me assuaging the guilt I felt at my helplessness for the feelings I had for JK. I thought I had successfully tamed it to non-existence. Still, it appears to be back like an unstoppable inferno threatening to consume me.

“I am okay,” I confirmed removing the Gucci glasses so she could see my face.

“I know it is so hard coming to terms with this whole drama. I hope she is safe wherever she is.”

“I hope so too,” I muttered afraid my lack of empathy will give me away.

“Can we go inside?” JK asked ushering us away from the blare of the hot scorching sun into the foyer decorated with live plants and cane furniture which gave the space a rustic but welcoming feel. I was so thirsty and could help with a glass of cold water. Still, the thought of an encounter with Mother – devil did not allow me to venture into the kitchen and help myself as I had done many times when Meena was around. Friend the word filled my mouth with bile. Traitor my rational brain taunted. I dropped my head, closing my eyes and will the headache I could feel coming.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Sa’ a asked again, worry etched on her forehead, and this time I was getting more irritated not at her of course but the guilt I felt at my betrayal.

“I’ m fine, just a headache which could be because of the heat,” I fibbed.

“Do you want cold water? please forgive my manners.” JK asked and apologised as he ushered us into the main house.

“I was focused on the latest information I have on Meena,” he explained.

“She called?” asked Sa’a with excitement, I did not share.

“Yes, she called her mum to say she was safe, and the woman should not worry. Meena used a private number, so we are unable to trace the call.

“Oh,” Sa’a mumbled, and I could feel her disappointment like a deflated balloon.

“At least we know that she is well and that is what is important for now,” I said with all the cheer I could muster.

“Yeah,” JK nodded, and I felt sorry for him but not so sorry. Who in her right sense will walk away from a guy like JK? He had made his money through hard work, it was not the Daddy hand me down riches. JK identified with people from both sides of the financial spectrum. In Nigeria, you were either rich or poor. The middle class has been long wiped off.

My brain was churning out strategic ideas. And first was to alienate JK’s mother from him. I had to build and blow her role in Meena’s disappearance out of proportion so he could see all this would not have happened without her.

“All this will not have happened if your mother had not meddled in your affairs. I am sorry to have to say this. Meena must have endured a lot from her, and just maybe she got tired of dealing with your mum. You need to keep her at arm’s length. I would have said before she wrecks your home but that warning is coming too late.

I pulled my falling veil and rewrapped it around my shoulders while I stole a glance to watch the effect of my words. Unfortunately, many times you could not read what JK was thinking. I shrugged and forged ahead to continue my onslaught.

“You need to put your mother…..”

“That is enough, Hauwau,” He barked forcing me to shut my mouth. Well, for now.

“My mom is the least of all our worries. I suppose you will have been digging for information and going down memory lane if Meena gave any indication of her plans. You’ve been friends right from your campus days.”

“And you will know too that Meena only told you what she wanted you to know,” I retorted.

“I have to be going. I must pick the kids from school. Please JK can you ring us when you have any news or if the Private investigator has any questions we can answer on the phone.” She said to JK who is busy texting on his phone. I think he was trying to reach the PI while Sa’a and I chatted away.

Sa’a threw her gaze at me as she had spoken for both of us both. However, I was not done yet, not even the mother from hell inside could stop me.

“I’ ll be going later. I will wait for the meeting with the private investigator?”

“I have to go now, you know how Salima and Raliama hate to be the last kids to be picked. And…”

“Yes, mummy,” I teased Sa’a.

I knew that look. If there was one person who you could read like a book, that would be Sa’a. Her facial expressions gave her away even before the words were formed. She would make a terrible lawyer.

“Don’t go all lawyer on him, the guy is already going through so much.”

I chuckle at her reference to ‘lawyer’ before responding. “I have no intention of doing any of that. Although, I would love to see JK squirm under my scrutiny.

“I heard that!” He snapped and moved away to pick a call that came through.

“I have to take this call,” he waved his phone as he stepped a few meters away.

“Whatever evil, you have planned for him. Remember he is our friend’s husband. And until she gives you the go-ahead to take him to the gallows, we must respect him.”

“Sa’a, there is a reason I am not with my husband. All this talk of respect bores me,” and I stifle a yawn.

I am cynical like that, and it’s a wonder I am with ladies who love their husbands to death. Well, one of us still does, and I hugged her with a speak to you later and waved while I waited for JK to finish his call.

Meena’s Diary#25

Hauwa’u

I recall the first day I met JK. It was the summer holidays, and I had gone to a party with my cousins who were friends of JK. I was introduced to him and got blown away by this handsome bloke. He had Denzel Washington oozing from his being. I was tongue-tied and unable to say any intelligible word except a hello that was so low I was not sure if I had voiced it out or it was in my head. The warmth in his smile that lit up his eyes and the surge of electricity in his handshake shocking me to reality was all I could think about after our meeting. Thankfully, I was saved from further embarrassment when Abdul, my cousin, pulled me to come to meet another friend. wordle-girlstoys
All through the party, my eyes kept going back to have another look at this Adonis. At the end of the party, although we never spoke, I was swooning that I had found my prince charming. JK was the boy for me. I declined all advances from other guys saving myself for JK, convinced without any doubt that the universe will cause our parts to cross again. Then he will profess his undying love for me.

A year later. Our parts did cross, and he professed his undying love but not to me. JK was a social butterfly. Once I had that information. I was at as many parties on campus, but he never acknowledged my presence. It was like we had never met. I was crushed but never gave up that he would come around and suddenly realise I was the yin to his yang.
Tired of going to these parties. I had practically dragged Meena who was nose into a novel she was reading to a party. My heart somersaulted in ecstasy as JK walked his way towards us. Finally, he recognised me and would profess his love for me.
The shame and disappointment I felt as he walked over to Meena. I watched him as he took the book away from her telling her she was at a party and not the library. The humiliation of choosing my friend he only met seconds ago over me was one I could not easily forget. He smiled at me and nodded his head as he pulled her to follow him to the dance floor while she gazed at me helplessly to come to her rescue. I did what any girl would do and smiled back while holding the tears that threatened to fall, pushing Meena towards him playfully.
I left Meena at the party that night heartbroken. She came back furious I had left her at the party and how she looked everywhere for me. JK had walked her back to campus. He had come every day to our room chasing Meena who was not interested.
They finally started going out in our her third year on campus. By then, I had come to the sad reality that JK was oblivious to my existence and only knew me as Meena’s friend.
The day they started dating was the day; my hatred and dislike for him began. Meena could not understand it despite much prodding.
I told her I was not sure he wouldn’t hurt her and I did not want to see her hurt.
How could I tell my friend that I loved the man she was dating? I learnt to live with it. Gave in to the first guy that asked me out and married the first guy who proposed marriage. My heart was devoid of love. It could only love one guy that I could not have.
That was all in history, and I have the power to write my future. I was not going to sit back as I did many years ago. I was going to take destiny into my hands and do what I should have done long ago.
Meena has left him, and I would help him pick the pieces of his broken heart. My love alone will be enough for both of us.

Meena’s Dairy#24

Hauwa’u…..

It’s been three months and no one has heard from Meena. I can’t understand how someone can disappear in this age and time with no clue.

JK’s private investigator is yet to come out with any meaningful leads. He is still exploring all the airline manifesto on the day she left. I have been beside myself with worry while trying to calm her mother that all is well. JK is a shadow of himself. He is barely functioning, a shadow of his former trying to keep up with his daily routine of going to work and keeping the company running.

The whole saga started with Bimpe overhearing JK’s mom complain of Meena not able to give her a grandson. The plan conceived and executed to get JK in the same hotel as her with her boyfriend as an accomplice.

It was all a lie to siphon money from JK and you could visibly see the weight off his shoulders from relief when she confessed he did not touch her and the baby was not his.

The length people can go for money is alarming but the length people would go for love is disarming. This is where the real story begins.

It’s been no hidden secret that I have never been a fan of JK the perfect boyfriend turned husband and like all other men I tolerated after my husband with his philandering ways had done a number on me. I am not bitter. I mistrust and deal with them from afar. I can’t trust this foolish heart of mine not to fall in love again. I was aloof and dealt with the opposite sex on a professional basis with my guards up. One of the old recipes of love budding is time spent together. The extreme is love at first sight and the modern day is “what you can get” defining love.

As I stepped out of my car, Sa’a was also driving in. So I waited for her in the hot sun blaring down my face, fishing for my Gucci shades in my bag, I wore them and walked over to join Sa’a.

We were here because JK had requested we come over to the house for a meeting with the Private Investigator who had told him of some leads but wanted to ask questions to some theories he postulated. So it was basically another boring and senseless questioning session.

I turned to the direction of the sound of a car coming to the driveway and there was Meena’s mother- in- law getting down from the car even before the car came to a halt. We stepped forward and offered a greeting she snubbed.

“That foolish friend of yours with her erratic ways will not be the downfall of my son. She could not give him a male child and has the guts to make trouble. I warned JK but he would not listen now he has to make his bed and lie on it. I hope he has the common sense to start thinking of getting a new wife to replace her fast.”

We both drew a sharp breath unconsciously shocked at the venom in her words. Meena had given us some of the stories of her encounter with the woman and the no love lost between them but we did not know how bad it was.

She looked at us queerly.

“What are you doing here anyway? Your friend no longer lives here so you should not come here anymore, or is one of you hoping to take her place?” She asked with a smug look I wanted to slap off her face should she have been another woman.

We were saved from answering when JK drove in. He was behind the wheels with the driver in the passenger seat.

He came down, handing the key to the driver who now drove the car out to run some errands.

My wayward heart did a somersault at the sight of him. He had grown his beard, although looking unkempt but handsome in a rugged way. His eyes were red from lack of sleep. My heart reached out to him and I reminded myself this was my friend’s husband. I can’t go there. Yes, I hated JK or so I made myself believe. It was my defense mechanism over the years but more from him choosing my friend over me. I had secretly loved JK for as long as I can remember before Meena came into the picture. Meena joked that whatever I wanted I got, what she did not know was the only thing I ever wanted so badly and I never got was hers yet she had willingly thrown him away.

Meena’s Diary#23

Hauwau..

I picked my phone and was surprised to see 20 missed calls. The calls were from JK and Sa’a.
I am surprised and filled with dread simultaneously but placed a quick call to Sa’a who picked the call on the first ring.

“Where have you been?” more an accusation than a question.
“Meena has gone missing. JK is all over the place frantic with calls. He thinks we know something and we are not talking. I have never felt sorrier for him than today. He seems to be losing it.”

“Have you tried calling her?”
“Yes, phone switched off.”
“What about the office?”
“She resigned last week.”
That was news to us. Meena never told us she was resigning. The situation definitely had alarm bells ringing in my head.

“We should call her mum. She might know something we don’t,” I suggested.

“I think we should not be hasty in asking her mum.” Sa’a refuted.
“What if the poor woman does not know and causes a heart attack or something worse. We don’t want to be held accountable for an old woman’s death.”

The lawyer brain of mine was going on overdrive.
“Do you know if JK has told her the findings of the private investigator and the result of the DNA test. She probably took off on another Parisian shopping spree.”

“JK has not told her,” Sa’a replied quietly. The full implication of what we were dealing with beginning to unfold.

I felt an instant headache as a result of the dread that engulfed my being. Meena not knowing the real story had probably left town.

“Where are the kids? the questions came so sharply as I tried woefully to hide my rising panic.

“Gone with her, I think because JK mentioned they were not at their grandma’s place.”

I sigh. I must have aged in the last ten minutes of our discussion.
“She is gone. Sa’a. I know it, and I feel it in my bones.”

I am taken back in time to a discussion we had when we were mere teenagers.
It was one of those silly soap opera we watched where a man was unfaithful to his wife. I recollect Meena being so distraught about the way the woman stayed back in the marriage for what was a repeated action.

“You make the mistake of infidelity. I take a walk. It’s like a man lifting his hand on you the first time, and it becomes a pattern where you become his punching bag and perhaps die in the process. He cheats the first time, he will do it again.” I could hear the words of many years ago in my head like she was saying them sitting across me in the room this minute.

“I do remember too, but that was just her view on the TV programme,” Sa’a argued feebly.

“Sadly, It now gives us an insight that it was not just her view, but what she firmly believed in and now in that same position, she is doing what she said at that time. Walk far away. How far? Is what we should be trying to find out.

I closed my eyes and refused to a shed a year. Meena walked away from all her friends and family for nothing, and she would never know unless she came back. I could be one hell of a hard lawyer, but this situation was doing a number on me. I had to keep my head in the right place for everyone all of us. This was going to be a long, long walk.

“Rayuwa!!!! I am off to see JK. We might have to use the same private investigator to find out where she had gone. Talk to you later Sa’a,” I rushed on the phone not before hearing her say, ” I ‘ll meet you there.”

Meena’s Diary#22

wordle-girlstoys
I sat on the floor of Sa’as posh living room, enjoying my drink of Sorghum popularly called Kunu Zaki. Sa’a makes the best Kunu on this side of the world. It’s a good thing one can’t get drunk on it. I had devoured the snack, Alkaki and was literally begging for more.
“You are in one serious happy mood. It’s good to have the old Meena back,” Hauwau commented with her usual lovely smile.
“I could not agree more,” chimed in Sa’a in her sing-song voice.

“I am happier to get myself back. It’s been too long,” I grimaced at my blatant lie. They will hate when they found out the truth.

“How’s your relationship with JK?” Hauwa whispered than asked, afraid to ask the question, but too curious to hold back.

“Fine as can be after the storm,” I responded carefreely but refused to give more details.
Carefree was the right word to describe my state of mind. I have let go of all the pain and hurt and forging ahead with my life. At least I think I have.
What I did not tell my friends was that this was one of our last times together before I got out of town.

I had kept this information way from them knowing that they would talk me out of it. I did not want anyone to change my mind.

We laughed and caught up with what was happening in our lives. I knew this was what I had missed in my months of wallowing in self-pity and this was what I was going to lose when I moved away. A girl got to do what she has to do.

There were times, I felt my friends were in conspiracy with JK, but I was not able to put my fingers as to what or why I felt that way.

The other day, JK had said something similar to what Hauwau had said to me earlier in the day, and that could not be a coincidence, but I had not dwelled on it too much. It is possible these friends of mine were putting pressure on JK, but I was past caring whether he made it right or not. He was free to live his life the way he wanted it. When I was all settled, we will discuss visiting and holiday rights for the girls.

After hours of gisting. I told my friends I had to call it a day. I had a date with JK when I got home.
To be honest, the man has bent over backward for me in the last couple of months, but the sad truth was it did not get to me. The scary part was my ability to pretend I was receptive to all his guilt and peace offering while my mind was already made up.

For my last night, I was going to make him remember what we shared and hoped he recalled for the rest of his life what he willingly threw away for a moment of carelessness.

I ordered food from his favourite Chinese restaurant. I went all out to look for a bottle of wine I know he’ll love and had our favourite movie; one of the Fast and Furious in the DVD.

Tomorrow, I ‘ll be gone like the wind lost into thin air.

Meena’s Diary#21

And MIL paid a visit.

I am struggling to get my problems behind. Some days I am upbeat, and some others days I couldn’t get out of my hole of despair. I am tired of feeling hurt and betrayed. I am tired of whining and complaining. I want to get my life back, but I don’t know how.

Today is one of those days that I could help with a ray of hope and some sprinkle of sunshine. I needed to motivate myself to run my day but alas I shouldn’t have been so quick to make my wishes.

Guess who came calling. My adorable every faultfinding Mother -in – law.

“Finally my son has decided to give me a grandson. Our name won’t die.”

I was speechless. There was no love lost between my Mother – in- law and me, but this blatant display of lack of empathy was the height of it all.

My relationship with the mother in law was not always this bad. I remember the first day, JK took me to meet his parents.

Mother – in – law was all over me with delight and affection gushing with how I had brought sunshine to her son’s life. I could not have asked for another, but somewhere along the line, the love flew out of the window. I have asked her severally if I had done anything to offend her and every time she kept saying there was nothing. Those were the days when the communication line was still open.

She rarely comes to the house anymore I gathered from JK himself, she visits him in the office or summons him to her home whenever she wanted to see him.

She was superb with her grandkids. You could not fault her in any way. They were her Achilles heel.

JK took them over to her place every weekend. I have long stopped trying to be the ideal daughter-in-law.

I grimaced with every jab she fired at me with her words as sharp as a double-edged knife.

“A woman who can’t bear a son is no woman,”

“Mama!” I gasped.

“Don’t Mama me. I am not your mother!” she shouted.

“Did you think I would sit down with my hands folded while the lineage of my dear husband dies because you are content with baring two children and stopping in the name of fashion and being modern?”

I held myself from retorting that she should remember she only had a child.

“If you want to stop baring kids then you should have been sensible to have a boy.” She hissed the words with contempt.

I felt intense pain in my heart with every word she uttered. I could feel my slender form wilting like a flower in the hot scorching sun.

“I am going to make sure that the new woman comes into my son’s house. No grandchild of mine will be born outside. You might be making JK’s life miserable, but I came to warn you to allow him to be the man he is. If you can’t bear to stay, then leave.”

What made us women our own worst enemy? Could she have a daughter and play this same role? What was the dynamics of the mother – in – law and daughter – in- law relationship that things always had to be very nasty?

To see a wounded man and rather than help him heal, you pull the dagger into him worsening the wound. That was what my mother –in- law was doing.

I sat there not uttering a word. It was not a case of being speechless, I was too tired to argue, and the fight had gone out of me. Mother- in- law said words not worth repeating I am still struggling to forget.

One good thing that came out of the visit was clarity of what I had to do. I was no longer welcome or needed in JK’s life.

In that single moment, my mother helped me make the decision I had not been bold to make. The plan I had tried to form but could not see myself taking action. I gazed at her with awe, mentally hugging her with gratitude.

I was going to disappear from their lives for good. My girls and I. I was walking away from JK, my home and all the things I held dear.

After she left, I broke down and cried heartbrokenly, deep wrenching sobs racking my slim body. I vowed this was my last set of tears over my emotional turmoil. JK and I were over for good.

Call me stupid. Call me as many names as you can think. Yeah, half my mates have not gone through what I have and have stayed in their homes. You can argue why I should deprive my girls of their father or why I can’t forgive and move on. People can voice their opinion, but they are not me. They do not wear the shoes or feel the pain. Others can tell you what to do and how to handle your challenges, but they can never be me.

Different people could go through the same problem and never take the same approach because we are all wired differently. Some are more emotional rugged and stable than others and can make it through stronger while others might fall apart slowing putting their lives together and maybe lucky to come out even stronger.

I do not have the strength you have and perhaps should you find yourself in my shoes, you might have done worse.

I love JK. It is ingrained in the woman I have become. I know without a doubt that JK loves me but the waters that have passed our bridge has destroyed the strength of the relationship we once shared. What is left are fibers too weak to withstand any further test.

Judge me. It’s my life. It is my decision, and I would live with the consequences, not you.

Meena’s Diary#20

despair

“The child is not yours,” said Sa’a with confidence so intense that in a fleeting moment I wanted to believe against the odds.

“Barrister Sanda and Hajiya Ibrahim are here to see you, sir,” came voice of the front desk officer on the intercom. My PA was away on one of those antenatal checks.

I suddenly felt the need to use the gents as I made an effort to lose my tie a bit.

These two women had never visited my office. I supposed this might not be a friendly call, although, I would guess it had a lot to do with the present issue with my wife, their dearest friend.

Meena loved her friends and they have been together long before I came into the scene. I have enjoyed a fabulous friendship with these women and would not have wished for any other group of women as her friends.

They were both her stability and distraction. Her history and a long future ahead. If anything were to happen these women would stick together through thick and thin. However, today’s visit was not a friendly call, and I did not envy myself one bit to spend as little as five minutes in their midst.

“Let them in,” I commanded with false confidence.

The women swept into the room and made for the two seats on the left side of my office.

I stood up with a full smile and my false confidence. I was not afraid of these women. No, I was not. I was scared of what they had come to say or do to protect their friend.

Stretching my hands for a handshake which they refused leaving my hand hanging in the air. That single gesture was a sign they had come not for a social call but war as I had rightly guessed.

“JK, we are not here for a social call,” Hawa’u voiced my thoughts.

“You should know by now that while your wife has refused to tell us the full details. We can understand that there is a child in the picture that belongs to you but not from her.”

Now putting it that way, made mild the situation. They were not accusing me of infidelity which made me think I was still in their good graces. Today will probably not be my doomsday.

To a keen observer, you could see the lift in my shoulders and the relaxing of my face muscles.

They were not absurd, and I blamed myself for a slip that was costing me my home, sanity and future.

I stood there waiting for all the tongue lashing I knew would come no matter how light they were trying to make the situation. I should be man enough to take without having to throw them out of my office knowing whatever slim hope I still had with Meena would be destroyed by not treating her friends’ right.

“I don’t know what or why this happened, but I am sure of one thing. There is no child. “The child is not yours,” said Sa’a with confidence so intense that in a fleeting moment I wanted to believe against the odds.

I opened my mouth to argue. I was not a coward to run away from my responsibilities. The situation was my cross to carry but to be babied and pampered into buying my head in the sand like the ostrich would make me less the man I am. I wanted to do right and make it right by all parties involved. One could say It was folly on my part to think I could but what would it make me not trying?

“The child is not yours,” she repeated herself slowly like she was talking to a little child.

“It’s nice for you guys to come to defend your friend. But I am sorry I won’t be discussing my affairs with you,” I abruptly dismissed them.

“I have a meeting in 5 minutes and need to get going.”

“Thanks for looking out for your friend. I love her, and that has not changed. I wish this had not happened and there was a way I could undo the deed. I just need you both to look out for her for me. Please take care of her for me while she does not want me around.

I will not give up on us. I hope this problem will not destroy what we share. Our love is real and would stand this test. Although, it looks like our marriage is over for good. I can still hope that we will pull through.”

I picked my jacket from the stand and mobile phones.

“After you ladies,” I ushered them out, so glad for the meeting. I had. “The baby is not yours,” kept ringing in my head. What would I not give to end this nightmare? To wake up and find out it was all a bad dream.

How did I get so low as to be carried away and now having a child out of wedlock?

When I tried to think. It was all hazy. One moment we were having a conversation in my hotel room and the next morning I awake in Dolapo’s hand without my clothes on.

Meena’s Diary#19

Mama walked into my house with no prior call to alert me she was on her way in her usual fashion.

So it was a surprise when the bell rang, and the maid ushered her in.
She swept into the living room like she owned the place and commanded me without words to stand and give the traditional courtesy to our elders.
She nodded as she took her seat before I could offer her. Then gave me that mother look which searches through your soul. Searching and seeing what you have tried to hide from the world.

“Meena, are you ready to talk about it?” She asked a little nonchalantly which I knew was a facade to draw me in by not appearing to mount any pressure.

“Talk about what mama,” I feigned ignorance hoping she’ll bite my bait and move on to other issues.

“What’s bothering you? I have been waiting for you to talk about it but it’s taking longer than ever. I know there is something wrong since the day you dropped the kids to go to Paris. A problem shared is half solved.”

Mama could be right; however, if my problem was half solved by sharing, then it should have disappeared or just gone into extinct. I did not voice my sarcastic thoughts but smiled meekly at her.

While I battled how no start my story, my mother settled comfortably into the sofa. I could read from her body language that she had all the time in the world and was not going anywhere soon.

In a further conspiracy, my maid brought a glass of cold water and peppered gizzard, my mom’s favourite delicacy.

“Thank you,” she said graciously to the maid whose face lit up with a smile too broad to hide.
I took a long breath in and exhaled as I shared with my mother my dilemma.

“Do you still love JK?”

I stared at my mum shocked. What had love got to do with all I had told her? JK had gone against our vows and having or has a child out of wedlock. The child had not been born, but it was no news it was a boy from the little chats I had read while the left of the story was to my imagination.

“Mom, I don’t think that’s the issue right now. Loving or not loving JK is inconsequential.”

“What is?” She asked prodding me with those looks.

“What happens to my girls and I. I did not give him a male child, and now he has one from outside.”

“Has he said he no longer wants you?”

“Mama does he have to say so in plain English when it’s glaring by his action. Isn’t it obvious that I am no longer good enough for him?”

I pressed my temple hoping to sooth the already throbbing ache brought about by the conversation I was having with Mama.

“Meena, the question is do you still love him. Do you love him enough to make your marriage work despite the sticky situation?”

I gasped in shock at my mother. She suddenly looked like the devil incarnate with horns on her head. Why did I feel she did not understand the whole issue and was trivialising my problem. The problem was more significant than love.Love could not work this out.

“Love conquers all things. Meena. He has made a mistake, and you both should look at how to work through this rather than let your home and the love you shared be destroyed. This is the time to stand by him and let him know you do not judge him.

“Mama, JK should have thought about that before going out to sleep around,” I sighed angrily.

“Whose side are you on mama?”

“You are both my children. I am not on anyone’s side. I am on the side of my grandchildren who need two loving parents and a loving home to grow.Your case is not a case of domestic violence where I would have wasted no time in whisking you and my grandchildren away from the scene but a marriage test that you both need to work at resolving.
I sat there seething in anger while mother relished the peppered- gizzard like one with no care in the world.

Well, to be candid Mama had no care in the world. My siblings and I were the children you dreamed of in your old age. Papa died while we were still young and unlike other terrible stories you hear. His brothers rallied round mama and helped pay our fees till we graduated from the University.

My uncles filled the gap for our father’s absence and still do. Today, we were all settled with good careers, comfortable lives and beautiful marriages except mine that was falling apart.

I won’t be surprised if I get a call from one of them once mama left my house.

“Meena, make this work. Give it all you have and if it does not then know you did your best. But don’t give up without trying. If you can’t find a reason, please look into the eyes of your girls. Do you want them to grow up without the blessing of having both parents living together harmoniously?

I don’t know what went wrong here. But I know you still love JK. He has been a great husband, father and son-in-law. Don’t give up on him because he messed up this one time. We are all humans. A famous saying, “to air is human but to forgive is divine.” Find it in your heart to forgive.”

“I bought this book it’s called “Love dare”, you might want to use it to rekindle the love you once felt in your marriage.

“Shouldn’t you be giving this to JK? He probably needs it more than me for the mother of his baby.” I asked looking at the book with disdain.

“Meena, enough of all this nonsense and childlike tantrum. A real woman fights to keep and protect her territory. She does not back down and let the enemy take over her home. Now is the time to fight for what is yours. Anger, sulking and self-pity will take you nowhere.”

“I doubt Mama. I don’t have the zeal to start such charade,” I sighed resignedly. I was tired of blocking the thoughts and pain I felt.

“I know you can.”

Mama stood up to shove the book in my hand and was gone like she was never in the room with me except the empty bowl of gizzard and half glass cup of drink on the side stool where she sat. to prove I was not hallucinating and the visit was real.