21stcentury – Page 2 – 21stcenturybelle

Omowashe omorishe#19

When you hit a brick wall….

brick-wall

Bode

“Welcome our in-laws,” greeted the elaborately dressed woman in Yoruba traditional attire of buba and iro made in white lace fabric and a peach head gear made from the famous aso oke.

She led us into the living room that had been decorated differently from the way I remembered it. The interiors screamed posh with an extensive detail in its design. I could see the principles Feng Chiu used as every accessories and furniture blended harmoniously with a subtle twist of simplicity.
The seats were soft and comfortable as we sank into them taking our seats. We thought we were late but on the contrary. Our in-laws were not ready which was a blessing in disguise. It would not have been a good impression if they had to wait for us.
I sat beside my uncle, Baba Bisola who was beside my mum, and next her twin sister and Risi. The woman was quiet, but it was not out of the ordinary since no one was conversing with her apart from my mum. Baba Bisola had not as much as given her a glance since we came in. She could have well not existed to him.
Lana’s parents came out followed by her Uncle Segun. I noticed he did a double take when he came in and saw us. The man was stunned with a look of shock on his face as he struggled to gather himself together. That could be easily explained seeing the similarities between my mother and her twin.
However, I began to wonder what he saw that brought the look and reaction. He was not himself for the better part of the time we were there. He kept stealing looks at my mum and her twin. At another occasion, I could have sworn the man was sweating which did not look like one from the weather as the air condition in the room was as cold as a refrigerator.
My interest was further piqued when I glanced at my aunt who had a startled look on her face when she saw Lana’s uncle, but if she knew him, she did not at least give a hint. I watched the interplay between them, Uncle Segun desperately trying to pass a message across to her while my aunt stubbornly kept looking away from him.
Uncle Bisola, stood up to give the speech and the reason the family came. I could not have been more proud. He was eloquent and purposeful with very convincing words leaving them no choice than to give their daughter to us willingly.
My Uncle, a Professor of Mathematics and Applied Statistics, insisted on being called Baba Bisola by family members and not the usual Prof, used by his friends and colleagues in the academic community. He argued that Prof was meant for work and would not want to be placed on any pedestal apart from the one that arose from the ties that bound us.
Nonetheless, today, he showed us off in a proper light, and I was none the more so glad he came along.
The speech was well received, and Lana’s father was more than happy to receive us. However, he asked if Uncle Segun had anything to say.
The man cleared his throat and focused his attention on my mum and her twin.
“Our in-laws to be. I did not know Bode’s mother is a twin. So we can expect twins as grandchildren from Bode and Lana,” he joked.
“Your similarity is so striking that I can hardly tell the difference. Which of you of you is Bode’s mother,” asked Uncle Segun
My mum smiled in response that she was, and this was her twin sister who she dragged to the venue having just returned from the UK.
“Her name is Kehinde Agnes Balogun
Uncle Segun cleared his throat uncomfortably.
“Mrs Balogun,” he called out to her.
“Do you have anything to say that would help us consider accepting your nephew as our future son-in-law?” he questioned.
I was confused but explained it away in my head. He did not know that Agnes Balogun was not part of my family but someone who dropped from the middle of nowhere and due to my mother’s kind heart and irreversible bond, she was brought here on impulse.
Baba Bisola was fuming under his breath that he had said she was bad news from the beginning.
My aunt replied No.
Uncle Segun now asked my mum, “Are you are Bode’s mum?
It seemed odd for him to be asking the question again but I assumed it was all to make the program livelier. However, unbeknown to me. It was the beginning of an issue that would turn around my life forever and haunt me till my dying day.
“Yes,” she answered.
“And this is your twin?” he asked jutting his chin to my aunt’s direction.
“Yes,” my mum answered again not perturbed.
There was no need to worry. People asked for hands in marriage every day without the the drama mine was about to unfold.
Ewo! He shouted in Yoruba meaning forbidden, shaking his head from side to side despondently.
Lana’s father was staring at him with raised eyebrows.
“Daddy Nekan, there is trouble,” he whispered to his brother but loud enough for all in the room to hear.
“Lana cannot marry into this family. And it is with due respect. We would have to ask you to leave. We cannot accept your proposal.
“Segun, kilonsele, I heard Lana’s father ask amidst the panic that seized my heart.
I glanced at my mother and Baba Bisola. This must be some huge joke. There must be something wrong.
The family had accepted Lana and I. Coming here today was to fulfil the obligation. So what was this madness of a joke played out here?
I ran my hand through my hair, unbuttoning the clip of the neck of my beautifully embroidered white guinea kaftan as I was suddenly feeling hot.
Whatever was playing out here could not be happening. I shook my head like one willing away an evil trance.
“Egbon, I will tell you now but let them leave,” I heard Uncle Segun say.
Why was this man the one in charge while Lana’s parents listened to him?.
I was distraught.
What was happening?
This was not some Nollywood movie.
This was my life! My introduction! I screamed in my head.
My family was being asked to leave that the proposal was not accepted.
I saw the stunned look on Baba Bisola’s face.
“Our in-laws this is not done. If you are rejecting our proposal, could you at least tell us why? And if it is something we need to work on, we will rectify and come back to you at an agreed date,” said my uncle trying to salvage an already bad situation.
“You would have to ask her,” said Uncle Segun pointing to my aunt.
She sat down unflinchingly without uttering a word.
My life was going in shambles, and an aunt I had never seen held the answers.
We were looking at my aunt expectantly hoping it was a misunderstanding to be cleared once she spoke.
But she never did, rather she had tears trickling down her face. In one second she looked tired and defeated.
There was some story to be told and for Lana and my happiness, someone had better start talking.
“There must be some misunderstanding,” said Baba Bisola gallantly, refusing to give up forging ahead with the belief that our mission here today must be achieved.
Lana’s father called Uncle Segun aside.
We could not hear what was he was saying but could read the look of shock on his face at whatever Uncle Segun had told him.
And right before our eyes, Lana’s father aged as his shoulders slumped losing it’s earlier aristocratic posture.
I needed to get out of here and see Lana. These elders should not play with our lives.

Omowashe omorishe #18

The story begins…….

A message came on my phone.
Happy introduction. I wish you a life filled with love, laughter and luxury. AA

It was such a sweet line I must have had this goofy grin on my face as the girls demanded I read the text out and I did.

“That is so cute,” Patience said with a dreamy look in her eyes wishing for a romantic guy to cross her path.

Patience and the rest of the girls here were among my closest circle of friends. Work and marriage have hindered the frequency of our hangouts, but family programs were a must, and our chat room was as potent as any physical meeting.

“Who is AA?” queried Deola. Deola has been my friend way back as teenagers. We never had those familiar girl friendship fights. We were comfortable with the times and seasons of our lives and adjusted with a sense of maturity that bonded us.
“AA is not Bode, but I will read his text so you won’t be disappointed,” I answered.
“AA?” Peju questioned.
“I thought I knew the names of most of your friends even if I can’t put faces to their names.”
“Andrew,” our boss I answered without a thought to it.
“Andrew?” Hadiza asked with a raised eyebrow.
“You naughty girl and I thought you were our perfect example. Getting engaged to one and stringing another,” said Hadiza with a triumphant look like one who had caught a thief.
The look on my face must have been tragic. Filled with shock and unbelief, I exclaimed, “My boss and I!

You are crazy Hadiza! I uttered, the whole time thinking how she could interpret a thoughtful text could in such a mean way.
She shrugged and was about to say something but changed her mind.

“If you decide to ditch Bode at the last minute,” Tope from my office chipped in, “I will be willing to take him off you.”
We all busted with laughter as this doused whatever tension was brewing.
Tope is a married woman with two sets of twins and a husband most girls only dreamed off in their fantasy land.
Telepathically, Tunde knocked on our door. He could not have chosen a right time to seek his wife.
“Who is there shouted out the girls? My room had to be sworn a no go area as we waited to be called out to the introduction meeting going on between Bode’s family and mine.
“I need my wife?” Came Tunde’s voice through the closed door.

“You had better take her now because she is queuing for someone else’s husband,” Hadiza shouted which resulted in another round of laughter.

Tunde started singing.
“Olomi, onitemi, oremi, ololufe, oju kan, sha lada ni Lola oluwa ko si oun ti o yawa,” a Yoruba love song by Tosin Martins.

We all clapped when he finished and pushed his wife out to him. His singing could earn him a seat on American Idols season 8.

“Can you read Bode’s text?” Hadiza asked not one to be easily distracted.
I snap open my phone to read the one he sent this morning.

“PJ, you are a fulfilment of my dreams. From the first day, I met you. You carved a special place in my heart without knowing it. Etched in the inside of me, that I saw you awake and in my dreams. I love you then, love you more now and will spend the rest of my life loving you. B.”

“I was there when they first met! Exclaimed Patience, with excitement like that of a little girl. The other girls shouted her down. She shrugged them off and continued. Contrary to her name, she was one of the very impatient people I had met, but I loved her to pieces as there was no pretence with her.

“I meant I was there when it was just about to start. The eyes Bode had then was all on Lana. They were friends with this his three other friends. What are their names again? Ayo, Gbenga and Dotun, but the fireworks between these two were visible to the blind except them,” she continued her story undaunted.

Now she had all the girls eating from her hand as they heard another bit of the Bode and Lana’s story they already knew in part but were still carried away with Patience compelling storytelling skill.

Lana has her walls and how she was out of the league of dating but when Bode asked it was a tough one to say no as she had always done in the past.
So she said the Yes that transformed Bode from an ordinary guy to a knight in shining armour blazing his sword to destroy anyone and anything that threatened Lana. Sadly, when the real threat came, it was from Lana herself, he had to surrender his sword in defeat and hope against all the odds that their love will win.

Their tragedy began when Lana started working and got this crazy idea of becoming a senior manager before thirty. She wanted to move her career faster than anyone she knew. Throwing herself and shelving everything else. Bode was caught in this battle and callously against her heart pleadings she focused on her career without turning back banishing him out of the Lana Kingdom.

Her heart betrayed her time and time again. And she found out that being closer to her goal without love was empty, and here we are today to celebrate the beginning of series of parties and get together in honour of Mr and Mrs Bode Coker.”

The girls were applauding her.
“We are all suckers for romance, sometimes we are lucky and other times maybe not, but love will find us, and that is life. Our romance might not be the storybook kind, but it does have a way of finding us,” I said with a conviction of one who saw the future.

“Why did you first walk away Lana?” Deola asked.

The one million dollar question I have tried to answer. In the beginning, I was sure I was doing the right thing but in the last six months of walking with my head in the clouds and my heart filled with so much love that I am afraid it would burst, I could not have been so wrong as to have thought I could live without Bode. These were my thoughts but to answer Deola, I would say my selfishness.

“Selfishness. I felt I knew what I wanted for my life then, and it did not include relationships even with love. My head spoke for my heart. I try not to live in regrets. I’ m almost where I want to be in my career.

I have seen marriages do work. Thanks to Peju here I throw a smile towards her direction. I have also witnessed a restored marriage, which planted a seed of hope in my heart. I had my fears and still do but I am ready to love without reservation,” I said leaving out the details of the restored marriage being that of my parent.

How many of us develop our perception and expectations of marriage from the marriages we see around, especially from our immediate families. I prayed in my heart that mine would be a good example for our children and not put a clog in the wheels for them or tarnish something meant to be beautiful but spoilt by two imperfect and lost people.

“Your marriage will be heaven on earth,” Deola said with a knowing and my heart leapt in agreement. It was my desire, and I was ready to give it my all to have just that.
Time must have passed. We talk just about just anything under the sun.
“What is taking them so long to call us out?” Peju asked.

“I hope your family is not asking for Airbus 380 as bride price,” joked Patience.

“If they did, Bode should be able to foot the bill with his developing IT solutions business,” replied Peju.

Bode had done well for himself in the years we were apart. He still worked with the bank but on negotiated hours. How Bode was able to secure such a deal was still beyond me. But it gave him time to nurture his business, and he had solutions and software developed for banking operations in and outside Nigeria. He was in money now, but that mattered less to me. It was his heart that I wanted sealed and delivered a hundred percent for the rest of our lives.

His money made no difference to me. I had mine and my career. I was comfortable and contented. Okay, I’ll be honest I could get the trips I wanted now without batting an eyelid or worrying about the immediate cost and long term effect on my bank account. However, one thing I am displeased about is moving to Banana Island where all the big boys live. I see too many people with fake lives on that axis. Living on the mainland is my desire, but hey! A girl has to go where the guy has a house so I get ready to live and adjust with my new neighbours and not have to turn up my nose or roll my eyes when I come across them.

Let me go and see what is happening outside, said Peju as she went out but met her husband, Phil by the door.

“No guys in here,” shouted the girls.

Please, he raised his hands in mock surrender. I could at least talk to my wife.
He took round Peju who was six months pregnant with a warm hug, how his hands were able to go round her still amazed me. Peju had tripled in size. My slim petite friend was as round as a hippo although she claimed she was more on looking like an elephant. If I was still analysing the hug, then he gave her a full kiss on her mouth!

“You guys should please go home,” teased Deola.

“That is my request to you ladies,” he said still holding his wife.
Peju here has been on her feet all day, and on Doctor’s orders has to take plenty of rest in her last trimester. She is not cooperative, but I think she has had enough for today,” said Phil gazing into Peju’s eyes with liquid love.

“I am very okay,” she argued lamely as her body gave her away as she struggled to stifle a yawn that betrayed her.

“Being pregnant does not make you an invalid,” she argued lamely as another yawn escaped from her.
We all laughed.

“Superwoman go home and rest. You have been yawning since Phil came. I wonder how we all missed it here,” I said.

“You have to go. I will give you the rest of the story tomorrow over the phone,” I urged Peju as Phil pleaded with his eyes knowing she will feel less guilty if I insisted she left.

Peju gave in, and I could see the relief on Phil’s face. He looked up to thank me, and I saw a bit of apprehension in his eyes as he smiled not those his confident ones.

I wondered if truly Peju was in danger with this pregnancy and he was trying to hide it from her. I made a mental note to call him tomorrow and discuss strategies to ensure she got the required rest. The baby meant a lot to Peju, I have figured.

Right from the moment, she found out she was pregnant. She had blossomed with an inner joy. The pregnancy was the next best thing in her life after marrying Phil. The scan revealed twins and you could have seen Peju that day. She was over the moon with joy as she called me to give me the Idowu breaking news as she called it.

She and Phil had no record of twins in their immediate families. It was not a dream they nurtured. The scan revealed they were same sexes, but Peju did not want to be disappointed as she pointed out that some scans could be wrong so she was having an open mind till they arrived.
Peju has also been in the best of health except for her cravings for isi- ewu, a goat head meat delicacy from the eastern part of the country that must not be prepared in her house because of the smell when boiling the meat.

“God, please keep Peju and the baby safe,” I whispered a prayer.

**********

Bode
“ Have they taken the gifts to the car?” My mother yelled in Yoruba to Risi one of her younger cousins who lived with us.
“Yes, Auntie,” she replied.

“What about Baba Bisola? Have you called him? Is he on his way?” she asked as she came out of her room tieing her headgear along the way.
The buzz around the house was an eight using a scale of 1- 10.
Baba Bisola is my mother’s only surviving sibling that I knew. He was her immediate elder brother. She had a twin sister I had never seen who lived abroad and had been coming home for as long as I could remember but never did.

Mother mentioned, she probably would be coming back this year. It was for me the usual hope and aspiration the family had a child who went to the white land and never came back. The only proof we had that she was alive were the birthday cards she sent to my mother every year with a gift.
The door bell rang

“Risi, get the door,” my mother yelled as I cringed my ears. She was jittery today checking everything over and over as if something might go wrong.
I went over to hug her.
“Mami,” as I fondly called her.

“You need to calm down. It is just the introduction, and we need you fit for the wedding.”

“Ha oko mi,” her favourite name for me.
It is not every day. I get to go to the introduction of my only son.
The first impression matters. The family we are going to has to know that you came from a well brought up family so everything must be done right.

“Mum,” I reverted to the way I called her in public

You are a judge and a respectable one. We don’t have to worry about the first impression. The perception in the community is one to be desired by many, I said.

My mum is a judge with a good heart, and the community knew if you had a problem, Mama Bode would have a solution. She was a woman filled with kindness that she would go without food to ensure the people under her care had food to eat.

When my father died, it almost killed my mother, but somewhere along the line, she found the strength to pick her life together. Finished law school and started practicing alongside the Ankara business, the sale of local fabrics. The trading paid her bills, but law gave her an outlet to live her life and find fulfilment.

My mother is a strict woman with a heart of gold. The discipline I went through as an only child raised suspicion to me then that I was not her child but adopted. The fear of Mami was the beginning of my wisdom. In my moment of fleeting juvenile delinquency, she was equal to the task.

I recollect a day. She caught me smoking with a group of boys around the corner of our street. She drove past like she did not see me. I rushed home not without putting tom-tom, the minty sweet in my mouth to dispel the smell.
I prostrated to greet her in the usual fashion I had been trained and offered to help with the bags she was carrying which she declined.

Olabode was the name she used when I had done something wrong
I was filled with trepidation almost peeing on myself with fear that she had found me out
“Olabode, you are reeling with the smell of smoke. Where did you go?”

“Nowhere Mami, maybe it is from Iya Kemi’s shop where I went to buy tom – tom,” I opened my mouth to reveal the sweet. The only truth to the story.

“Okay o! if you say so,” she said emphasising the o.
She took some change from her bag and handed it to me. Please buy a packet of that cigarette you and your friends were smoking with just now.
I stood there transfixed. Mami had found me out, and I had no clue why she was asking me to go and buy it. I did what any child would do I started crying how sorry I was and won’t do it again

“Odabe,” she said in Yoruba meaning, Itis all good that way
“But still go and buy the packet for me,” she ordered.
I left to buy it praying that God would send a helper in the person of a visitor or relation who would plead my case.
I came back with the pack of cigarette, and no one had arrived.

There was my mum, seated on a local stool, outside the house with a whip I had never seen in her hand.

“Go and get matches from the kitchen,” she instructed me.

I went in still wondering what she had in store for me. And back with the matchbox,

She handed cigarette box to me.
“Take one, light and start smoking,” she commanded.

My mother must have gone mad but the fear to voice my thoughts in the light of what was happening prevented me from saying a word.

What was so exciting back there with my group of friends held no attraction.

“Ogbeni,” she called out to me, meaning Mr. when she calls me that I knew it was in deeper trouble than Olabode. She walked over to close our gate. My prayer for helper dashed to pieces before my feet.
That gate would remain closed till she was through with me.

I had to clue whether she was going to use the whip on me or not. She had never beaten me before, but I had taken a few slaps and corporal punishment.

My imagination of the effect of the whip on my body left me bowling.
I had seen it used on my peers at school. I had never been a recipient either because getting punished in school was tantamount to getting punished two days in a row at home or I was lucky not to get into any trouble.

I could not put the cigarette to my mouth. I was shaking.

“You will smoke the whole park today,” she threatened.
“You want to smoke? you will smoke today,” she asked and answered the question while I gazed at her hoping I was in a bad dream.

The first cigarette was with fits of coughing, the second I was gasping for breath still, Mami did not stop or bat an eyelid she meant I was to finish the pack.

I did not go beyond the third when I must have slumped or so I thought.
Mami just poured water on me, woke, me up in my state and offered me to continue where we stopped.
I cried and begged and promised never to go near it.

I never touched a cigarette in my life after that incidence, and I could not stand the smell.
Suffice to say I learnt my lesson that day.

That was Mami for you. You can only imagine what she was like in the courtroom. Stories that filtered had it that Mami was a man and not a woman. Her strength, resilience and discipline were worth emulating You could never give her a bribe. Her colleagues would advise you not to try.

Risi got to the door, opened it, but she was standing there with no one coming in although we could hear a voice.

“Risi who is there? Let the person come in. We were still expecting Baba Bisola,” said Mami.
I saw Risi moved to the side of the door to allow the person walk in.
The woman before me was a replica of my mother.! She was a little hesitant at first but continued to where we sat.
Mami was transfixed for a few seconds then what followed next was like something from a movie. They were crying and hugging wiping their tears and crying all over again.

I don t know if we would have ever left the house for my introduction if my Uncle, Baba Bisola had not shown up.
He took a look at my aunt with disgust and spoke to my mum,

“Mama Bode, we have to start going what is before us is bigger than a prodigal daughter coming home,” he hissed the words with disgust.
Right now was not the moment to get all the story out but they had days to catch up, and we all moved out of the house.
My mother asked her sister to come along if she was not tired. She declined that she would rest. It had been a stressful journey.

“ What is she coming to do? To spread her bad luck to others?” asked Baba Bisola visibly annoyed.

“Egbon!” my mother exclaimed
“We do not throw the baby and the water away, At least you will hear her out she must have a story,” she said.

“Don’t we all, 28 long years? How many deaths did she come home? She thinks we need her money. Thank God we have enough of our own,” if you don’t want to go for your son’s introduction but sit here and waste your time with her. I can be going to my house.
“Oti o – meaning no. Egbon, please give us thirty minutes to prepare. We will be out soon,” my mum persuaded him.

He grumbled of how wrong it was for her to go with them. Someone they had not seen in twenty-eight years and she was off to a family function.

My mother and Aunt came out dressed alike. I could not tell the difference until I looked into their eyes. There was a spark in my mothers that wasn’t in that of my Aunts.I was glad to be able to tell the difference.

Mami has been buying two of every wear she had for years. It was her usual fashion that when her twin came back home finally she would need them.
She was often scoffed at by my uncle – Baba Bisola why she even bothered.
Today, her dreams finally came true.

We got into the cars. My mum and her twin sister in one. Baba Bisola, Risi and I in the other while I drove.

I was glad when we got to Lana’s house as Baba Bisola fumed all through the journey as to why they were allowing a total stranger to a family gathering.

I did not know what happened in the past, but whatever it was, it must have been bad to get Baba Bisola riled up that way.
They would sort it out when they talked. They were adults.
My family issues were all forgotten as we got into the house for the introduction. I could not wait to see Lana.

I had booked a restaurant later this evening to celebrate this milestone alone with her.

Having her back in my life was a dream I refused to give up. How I survived the last five years without her is still a mystery to me because now I can’t get enough of just catching a glimpse of her and getting lost in those eyes filled with love and a promise of a thousand better tomorrows.

Omowashe Omorishe#17

Priceless memories

The next hours of my life were the longest.Lana slumped before me. I was hysterical as I shouted for help. The ambulance came, and the whole wedding party was in disarray as the groom and bride left their reception and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

sc2

We sat for hours at the St Nicholas hospital waiting for the Doctors to come out. While we were out, her parents and famous uncle Sege was around. I mustered a smile when I saw him. I was yet to see an uncle who was so fond of his niece like him. His devotion was beyond my imagination leaving me secretly wishing he was mine, considering that I had lost my father at a young age of six, It had been just my mother and me and since then

He seemed more agitated than even her parents. Her father was reassuring him that she would be okay.

“Lana is a fighter, she would pull through,” he said confidently. And I prayed with all my might that he was right.

Another guy rushed in. You could see he was agitated. I found out he was her boss at work.

He walked over to Peju, shook the groom and Peju fell into his embrace. All she had been doing since she came in was cry and how it was her fault. Although, we all failed to see how it could be her fault.

From the conversation he had with them, I deduced he was her boss at work. He spoke some words to her and handed her over to her husband as he took his seat beside them with a grim look on his face.

I watched the whole family and felt like an outcast, although I was the most important person to her, yet no one had this knowledge except the both of us. We were meant to be celebrating, but here I was sitting in the cold hospital with her hanging between death and life.

I walked up to her parents, and her mum and managed a smile as I said my hello.
“I did not know you were back together,” she said with pain that mirrored mine.
“Lana and I met today at Peju’s wedding. I was there when she slumped,” I explained.
“What happened?” she asked looking at me, hoping to get a clue from whatever I had to say
“We were talking, she opted to sit down saying she was tired and before I knew it. She slumped,” I narrated.

I winced, my ring was on her finger, and she was not even able to let me know if we were back together again.
Why did I have to lose, gain and lose her again,
I chided myself, to remain optimistic. She would wake up and get better.

The waiting party grew in number as another lady with her husband and a boy of five years old rushed in. She was a younger version of Lana’s mother, and I presume, it was Nekan, her older sister.

“What happened?” she asked worry etched all over her face as she joined her parents.

Her mother mumbled something I could not hear from where I was, but she nodded towards me.
The lady turned to look at me. Although, we had never met, but she seemed to recognise me. She had a surprised look on her face as she left her parents and came over to me.

I swallowed hard as I prayed the Doctor would appear with good news. The wait was getting rather too long, and heart-wrenching. I gazed over to Peju feeling sorry for how her wedding had turned out.

“Hi, my name is Nekan,” she introduced herself to me stretching her hand for a handshake.
“Hi, I am Bode Coker,” I said with as much smile I could muster.
“My mother told me you were with her when it happened,” she said looking at me with questions in her eyes.
“Yes, we were just talking, and she complained of being tired as took her seat, and the next thing she slumped,” I said. I had lost count of the number of times I had to retell the story.
“Did Lana hit hear head when she slumped, was it a hard surface, did she look pale?” she questioned.
“If you are asking if there was a sign for what was coming? There was none. We were having a regular conversation, and she complained she felt tired, I just thought it was the fatigue of the day, you know the wedding and all the running around. I raked my hands through my almost non-existent hair in frustration.

“Thank you, Bode, she will be okay. I have not spoken to her in a week, just chats over the phone. I had no idea you were back together,” she commented
“We just met today, and she was calm about it,” I offered an explanation. There was no correlation with our meeting and what happened, but it seemed like people were inferring the shock might have caused it. There was no shock, no surprise to cause a heart to fail.

“I will go and see the Medical Director. He is an old friend from medical school. We should hear something soon,” she said as she walked back to where here parents sat not without stopping to have some few words with Peju, her husband and Lana’s boss.

True to her word she came back about twenty minutes later with a Doctor who addressed us that she is calm but need a lot of rest. Her parents alone were allowed to go in while the rest of us could come back when she was sufficiently recovered to see visitors.

We all stood up to leave as her parents thanked us for coming, promising to keep us abreast with any new development and when we could come back for a visit.

Peju’s flight was for the next morning, and although she said she was thinking of cancelling the honeymoon, Lana’s mother convinced her to go ahead that Lana will be up like her usual self in no time and would be furious if she failed to travel on her account.
You could see fatigue around Peju’s eyes as her husband joked how he needed to take her to the hotel or she might be spending a night her in a room next to her friend.

Then the boss greeted us all and left not without a word of encouragement of how we all needed to be strong for her.
I was the last to leave as I stood up dejectedly, not knowing how to keep in touch. Peju who would have been my link would be away on honeymoon, asking for a family’s phone number at this time did not seem appropriate. I thought of coming back every day if I could pass the security but that option was one of uncertainty.
Fortunately, her sister was quick to catch up with me to collect my number and promised to give me an update of which I was grateful.

The coming days, I merely existed living life just going through the motions, praying and hoping for good news. All I wanted was for Lana to get better.

**********

I hear voices in the background. I recognise that of my Dad’s, and could tell he was speaking to me.
“Lana we love you and want you back to us healthy and active like your usual self. I know you can hear me.”
Then my mum’s came so soft and filled with emotion.
“My baby, I love you, please pull through for us for yourself, we cannot afford to lose you,” and she broke down in quiet sobs.
I could sense my Dad holding her, and I wanted to go and give her a hug to reassure her that I would be okay.
I was surprised to hear Nekan’s voice, and I wanted to jump out of where I was to give her a hug, but all I could do was just lie there. How did she get here? I must have missed her mentioning she was coming over. It had been a while we saw. It has been phone calls and chats and lately I had been busy.
At the sound of my Uncle Sege’s raspy voice, my heart broke. I heard my father say in the background
“Segun, you need to pull yourself together .”
I felt his touch and heard his cry as he begged me to come back. He mentioned that we both had unfinished business. He promised not to bother me anymore on marriage and to desist from sending the strings of young men to my office on the excuse of account opening.

I wanted to laugh. My uncle could still crack a joke in his desperation. I wanted to tell him I was right there with him and was not going anywhere, but the words did not come out.
My eyelids were closing, and I wanted to sleep again. I felt this constant tiredness like a dark cloak wrapped around me as I battled with sleep that was stronger than my will to stay awake. The voices faded into the background replaced with muddled, incoherent sounds as it lulled me into a state of rest that had become my new companion.

*******
I had no idea, how long I had been asleep but when I opened my eyes this time around, I could see around me. There was my favourite uncle with his big frame dozing off in the only chair in the room. He must have sensed I was awake because not too long he opened his eyes and was beside himself with joy.
“Oluwalana, he called my full name. I can’t recollect ever hearing him call my name in full. I tried to talk, but it was just a raspy noise with no words forming. I looked at him with fear and alarm in my eyes. I tried to stand up, but my body felt like lead.
“Please stay calm,” he urged as he pressed the bell for the nurse to come.
Taking my hands in his, he kept saying thank you as tears ran down his cheeks. My sleek too handsome uncle with a body built like Richard Mofe Damijo was crying brokenly like a woman who had lost her child.
Something must be terribly wrong with me. I concluded, intense terror engulfing me as I tried to recollect how I got there.

It was in this state of panic, a man, in his late fifties with grey hairs around his temple, clad in a white coat, with an air of authority and confidence strolled in. I presumed he was the doctor and could trust him, and my addled brain knew it was in my best interest to do so.

“We are glad to have you back,” he boomed in a voice that sent me ten years back to my Biology Laboratory in secondary school. Having being suspended from Biology class for refusing to dissect a dried frog with whatever instrument, we had were given. It took the intervention of Mrs Akan, the guidance and counselling teacher to convince my Biology teacher that I was not stubborn or rude, but displaying symptoms of ranidaphobia and should overlook the assignment.

It was that same voice that boomed the day I came back to class “we are glad to have you back” and the only difference was while today was genuine the later was sarcastic.

“We have run all the necessary tests, and they have all come out good. You were acutely fatigued and dehydrated but a few more days of rest and drips should get you out of here in no time. The body has a way of adjusting to itself and yours had to shut down. You were lucky it was not a heart attack or stroke,” he said reviewing the case note.

“In the future, it would be important to take time off activities for scheduled rest, vacation and spend time on things you love to do so this does not happen again,” he said kindly.

I laid down there taking all he had to say in still wondering why I could not just get out of bed and be back at home. Lying here was killing. This mode of inertia was driving me crazy, but all I did was to nod my head as my tired eyes betrayed me giving into sleep again.

I must have been in and out of sleep for days. Moreso, by the time I was able to make small talk, it was shocking to find out that I had been in the hospital for two weeks!

Fast forward to another five more days and the doctor was convinced, I could go back home but not back to work until another two weeks.
What was I supposed to be doing at home? Sitting and staring. I thrived in the fast pace and stress of work where your adrenalin was driven to all-time high so that the slow pace I was forced to embrace was more excruciating than If I was allowed to return to work.

The saying that there is always a silver lining to every cloud could not have been truer. I got time to think of my life and make some adjustments to my values and goals. One good outcome was my second chance at love and unashamedly enjoying the attention I received from Bode.
He was at the hospital every day after work as soon as I was allowed to receive visitors and at my parent’s place upon my discharge.
He had not changed one bit as he was more doting on me, probably because of my health which had made me closer to an invalid. The icing on the cake was it helped to take my mind off my present state.

I must have forgotten what it meant to be bitten by the love bug. This time, around I threw caution to the wind. I did not want to second guess every move or word I just wanted to flow to the rhythm of love being played by Bode and enjoy the second chance being handed over to me.

The clouds were bluer, the rainbow, colourful and the sun brighter than it had ever been and my life could not have been any better. I vowed not to waste any time wallowing in self-pity at the time I had lost but to savour every moment I had.

Bode’s love was one substantial factor that saw to my fast recovery and six weeks after my compulsory leave of work I was fit to return.

**********

My first day at the work was an emotional one as my colleagues had balloons around my table with a “welcome back” banner. There were kind words and hugs. These are people who had taken time out to check on me, send text messages and calls.
Andrew had been understanding. He had a word of encouragement every day as soon as I was able to pick my phone. Although he rarely came by to the hospital, I learnt he was there, the first day I was brought in.

Peju who had been shuttling between office, my house and hers was warned by my mother not to come by anymore and focus her attention on her new home. The morose look on her face the day she received the riot act would have won her an Oscar and put Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, to shame.

However, we made up the time with loads of chats going back and front on our cell phones since my house was a no go area for her.

We were both filled with ecstasy to be back together. I could not wait to be filled up with all the loads of “kongosa” our secret code for first class gossip, I had missed.

My love for juicy titbits in any form; pas,t present and future, was one of my few weaknesses. The moment we were off work we made out time to catch up on each other’s lives that missed the chat room on our cell phones.
Peju kept apologising as to how she was so sorry to have invited Bode over. I had already gotten tired of telling her over and over again that she was not responsible for what happened. I was neither overly excited nor furious at seeing Bode that day, to have caused the fiasco that followed, rather, it was just two friends catching up on what they have lost due to one’s foolishness and a little meddling from some unhelpful quarters. I am glad for where I am right now and if I had the power to recreate the scene I could not have done a better job.
I drew her into a warm hug.

“Thanks for bringing us together and not paying attention to me. It would not have happened without you,” I said.
And there Peju was smiling from ear to ear with so much self-righteousness as she smugly said,“I told you, you would eat humble pie.”

“Your boast almost cost me my life,” I teased her loving the look of remorse stealing over her face.

“I thought you said it had nothing to do with it,” she complained.

“Yes it did not, but I hate the look of triumph on your face and the fact that I have to agree you were right.You have tortured yourself too long, and someone had to deliver you from this guilt. Not to add the miserable honeymoon you had,” I pointed out.

Peju did cut short her honey moon when Phil was tired of her moaning about how she had no clue as to if I was getting better or worse. It must have worked for him too, because as soon as they were back in the country, he was off to Dubai, back to his project.

My house became Peju’s second home until my mum banished her to her matrimonial home with no knowledge that Phil had abandoned his bride for work who had equally abandoned her honeymoon for her near dying friend.
Luckily they had planned another honeymoon in a couple of weeks, and Peju had warned me up front not to pull any stunts as this time around she would feel no guilt if they had to bury me while she was away.

We would have been there in our usual fashion chatting away at everything and nothing if Bode had not come to whisk me away.
He said a friendly hello to Peju, who was smiling rather stupidly like one suffering from dementia as he planted a kiss on my cheek. I rolled my eyes at her.
“I got to go, you both are making me regret cutting my honeymoon short,” she teased winking at me.

“Do you have something in your eyes Peju? I asked her holding back my laughter

” Yeah, must be an insect,” she answered sweetly with her eyes shooting daggers my way.

” Bye, see you tomorrow, I replied as went off with Bode

I could not be more grateful to be still alive. Nonetheless, I still shudder with horror when I remember the catastrophe I caused by disrupting Peju’s wedding reception and honeymoon.

Omowashe Omorishe#16

A light on the horizon

nature

Peju kept checking her phone more frequently than I had ever seen her do.
“Babe, you can’t wait to see the guy?” I teased.
“It is just some few more hours, and you are Mrs Peju Phillip Idowu forever, please stay calm,”I advised.

“If you do not mind, I need to take that phone from you and let the make-up artist finish her work,” I said taking her cell from her.
The speed at which Peju snatched the phone back was alarming.

“Is everything okay?” I asked with a crease of worry etching across my forehead as every scenario of a wedding gone wrong flashed through my mind.
“All is well, just a surprise I am pulling for Phil today,” she said nervously.
I plopped down into the seat beside hers.
“Girl, let me into this surprise,” I pleaded.

“Not on your life. You wait and find out,” she said her eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Great, a gentle reminder that we are no more on the same part,” I sulked trying to blackmail her.
Peju read through my act and shrugged her shoulders.
“Try something else to make me feel guilty, into telling you,” she said looking me in the eyes.

“Make sure you catch that bouquet of mine,” she commanded more than advised.

“You must be next in line,” she demanded.

“You believe in all those myths?” I snorted in my usual unladylike manner that I was not proud of but displayed in moments like this.

“I do and you should. Perhaps the guy, wherever he is would show up soon,” she joked.

“I can’t wait for you to get married,” she gushed much to my annoyance.

“No please don’t go that route. As much as this wedding has done its number on me and I have thawed to the concept of marriage. I am still not in a hurry to relinquish this freedom or heart of mine,” I argued.

“I hope you recognise love when you see it,” she grumbled.

“Remember our deal,” her eyes brightened as she challenged me.

“Oh no,” I groaned.

“Peju not today, must we go over that your crazy deal?” I asked as I had all but forgotten about it.

“It’s not crazy but a challenge to open your heart and eyes to love again, besides you get a ticket to travel,” she argued relentlessly.

“I refuse to be baited Peju. You don’t play games at love. It just happens,”I said snapping my fingers.

“And you of all people know that. It is not some cold, calculated business deal,” I chided too vehemently.

“Andrew is out of it,” I announced.

“No, that might have been a possibility, but I realised you wouldn’t go there,” she said sardonically.

“Smart girl, then you should know that I am neither desperate nor in a hurry to walk don’t the aisle, no pressure please?” It was more of a question than a statement.

“No pressure,” Peju said meekly.
I looked at her suspiciously. It was strange for Peju to give in that way but I shrugged it off.

“Time will tell and just for the benefit of your doubt. I am not closed to marriage entirely. So girl, allay your fears that I would die an old maid. If I have to, I aim to be a happy one,” I said tongue in cheek.

Peju rolled her eyes. “I hope you eat your words today,” she boasted.

“Something I should know about?” I inquired.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Nothing, but when we walk down that aisle today may whatever the firm reservation you have crumble completely and all you’ll ever want after that is to walk down that aisle too,” she prayed.

I was not going to argue with Peju. It was futile especially when she got into those her campaign modes.

We all wowed Peju when she got into her gown. She was a vision of a perfect bride, radiating with beauty and elegance. Frank Osodi had outdone himself with her gown. While I wanted to take the credit for name dropping, I had to give it to Peju for going ahead with him.
Tears pooled in my eyes, and I willed it not to fall and make a mess of my makeup.
“You are beautiful,” I choked. I could not be happier for Peju today.

“I hope Phil will be able to wait as you walk down the aisle to him. I want to capture the moment he sees you,” I whispered dreamily.

“Please don’t make me cry. I can’t ruin my makeup,” Peju begged.
We all laughed, but there were not a dry eye in that room as we dabbed our eyes and walked to the car.

********

The organ started the wedding marching song and as Peju walked in I caught my breath.
I could not believe how I found her. She was beautiful in a way I had never envisioned. I swallowed hard and could not wait for the ceremony to be over. I was one lucky man and seeing her walking towards me only confirmed it. I vowed to make her the most happiest t and fulfilled woman alive God helping me. Peju deserved the best.
It could only have been five minutes, but it seemed it took a lifetime for her to get to where I was. As I removed the veil and she smiled at me, it took all my willpower not to hold and kiss her before the Minister gave us the instruction.

Every other word was blurred until I felt a sharp nudge at my back. It was the best man. He used his eyes and nodded to the Pastor who was staring at me disapprovingly.
I wondered if he could read my thoughts but it was not that he had to repeat the wedding vows.

“Do you take Peju Phillips to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?”

“I do,” I responded as I scolded myself for allowing my mind to wander and not pay attention.
The minister asked Peju the same question, and her voice came out in the sweetest melody I had ever heard.
We exchanged our wedding rings, Peju and me, Phil Idowu became the lawful husband of the prettiest girl in the whole world.
The moment to kiss the bride was finally here and I got lost in it, till I heard the Minister cough in the background and I reluctantly relinquished my bride.
As we faced the church and people came around to congratulate us, all I wanted was to take my wife out of the church, and we continue our business without the crowd. I don’t know if other men before me felt this way on their wedding day but the party was just a torture I had to keep smiling through, collecting the slaps on the back by the men and boys with remarks on how to take it easy tonight.

Now that proves one thing I was not the only one thinking that way.

**********
I could not have been happier as the officiating Minister announced to the church.
“We present to you the newest couple on the face of the earth. Mr and Mrs Phil Idowu. How did he know that? There were a thousand other marriages worldwide going on at this very minute? Why did they always say that at every wedding? Was it to make the couple feel good or the usual wedding proclamation?

A thousand strings pulled at all corners of my heart and stomach. I was jittery with excitement. Finally, I had the MRS to my name with a guy I was so in love with and who worshiped the ground I walked on. Life could not be more fulfilling that it was right now. I was living my dream of life, love, laughter and luxury.

The next on my plan for the day as I searched the crowd for the face. It could only be me planning a coup d’etat while smiling my joy to the whole world and hoping my coup bring more smiles and seal a perfect day.

*********

I bent to arrange Peju’s flowing gown and on coming up, my eyes met with those eyes. I could never forget. I wondered if I was hallucinating and how possible it was for him to be here. I shook my head to dispel the slight dizziness I felt. I had taken paracetamol this morning like a boost for my day. I was at the height of fatigue and looked forward to going to my bed at the end of the day and staying that way until Monday morning.

I stilled myself and gave a pep talk. You will be alright just hang on till the end of the day. All you need is rest. I busied myself attending to Peju’s gown while the crowd came around to congratulate the couple.

“You’re alright? Wale the best man who flew in from England asked in his British accent.
The first thing that came to my mind was in my mother tongue “Mo wa alright o! she mo ya were ni?” Meaning – I am alright do I look mad?
Instead, I smiled and politely responded, “I am good.”

The picture session went on there after we left for the reception venue. I was still hanging in there.
“Hi Lana,” I heard and turned to the voice. I could never forget that voice. It had been in my dreams for years.

I had often dreamt what it would be like to see him again but all that disappeared when I found out he was married and I worked hard to forget him, but the treacherous heart continually betrayed me.
I took a look at him and the realisation of all that I had lost in my moment of foolishness and came crashing over me. I prayed for strength and hoped this would be the closure that I needed.

“Hi,” I smiled confidently, a far cry from what I felt inside, but I could not afford him to find out how much walking away had cost me.

“You look great and more beautiful,” he complimented which I unashamedly enjoyed.

“ Shouldn’t that line be for your wife? I asked sarcastically angry that he was flirting with me while married. Perhaps he thought I did not know. My gaze went to his finger and was surprised that he wore no wedding ring.

“ Hopefully one day she would be my wife,” he said looking into my eyes in a bid to read my thoughts with that voice that was weakening every resolve to be mad at him
“ So you are now polygamous?” I asked irritably.
“Polygamous?” he repeated the world like one who was slow in comprehending the meaning of the word as a mirror of confusion clouded his face.
I was tired for the cat and mouse game and went straight to the point
“Hows your wife?” I asked not that I was interested in knowing but to pass on the knowledge that I was not in the dark.
“ My wife?” He asked again this time with frustration as he put his hands through his well-cut hair.
“Your wife, remember” I snapped my finger before his eyes to jog his memory if he had lost it.
Bode took my hands and pulled me to the other side of the hall as we took the exit. I followed without any resistance not without looking back for Peju and Phil.
“Not to worry, Lana, I doubt your services as maid of honour is still required,” he chuckled reading my mind.
“I have taken permission already he quickly added
“Peju knows about this? I asked bewildered.
This must be her surprise, I summed up. It was all coming together for me. The subtle hints, the phone checking, the jitteriness, lack of concentration all because she was planning something for me.
I refused to let the tears fall freely, as it pooled in my eyes. I was assaulted with a myriad of emotions tugging and pulling me from different tangents

“Does Peju know you are married?” I blurted. The futile length my friend had gone for me. Only if I had opened up and told her the whole story but not relieving the pain and shame, I felt was my way of dealing with the situation. If you don’t talk about it, it would not be real and just go away like it never happened.

“Married?” he asked,doing it again. Why did he repeat every question.

I wanted to get angry, but I just stood there looking at him. I felt the weariness and fatigue but spoke to myself to hang on. I would sleep it through later today.

“Yes Bode, married and so you know, I met your wife four years back,” I said triumphantly glad it was in the open.

The look of confusion was back as he ran his hands over his hair again exasperated.
“ Lana, I am not and never have been married. Where did you get that information?”

“ I did not get the information I said I met her. I am not making this up or repeating news from the grapevine,” I hissed getting upset now.

“ You met her?” He asked looking more confused.

“I came to your house to tell you I was sorry, and wanted us to be back together but I met this lady at your house who claimed to be your wife, and she was wearing a wedding ring,” I summarised and winced from the pain I was surprised I still felt.
“ When did you come to my house?”, he asked looking very upset.
I found out you were back from your training in England, got your number from your friend but decided to come by myself rather than call.
“Describe who you saw,” he winced with a pain that shocked me.
“She is average height, fair in complexion, petite I had not finished when he blurted, “Lola, my cousin.”
We stood staring at each other as another fresh wave of realisation washed over us.
First, we had lost time by my own action and kept apart by someone else mischievousness, and we had another opportunity before us if we wanted to make use of it.

I was so fatigued and wanted to sit down.
The whole weight of what I had lost and now to gain was before me.
I should be happy but I was numb.
I should smile, but my mouth would not form the smile.
I should be excited but why was my heart indifferent.
I wanted to lie down, yes I wanted to sleep.

Bode got on his knees like what he did some over five years ago. I could hear the words but was I dreaming why were the words the same why was I not able to respond to him. To tell him I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.
He brought a ring out which was exactly as I had seen it in my dreams. I tried to lift my hands so he could slot it into my finger.
Why was my hand slow?
He picked it himself and put the ring on my finger.
I tried to speak as tears fell but my face was dry.
I decided to move from where I sat, but I was too weary.
A pain shot through my chest and darkness engulfed me. I reached out to the air trying to hold on to something as I felt a weight pulling me to the ground. Then coldness crept into my body and a sense of peace I had not felt before came over me as I succumbed to sleep, my eyes closing against my will.
As I walked towards the blazing light ahead, why were there so much shouts behind me and why was it getting fainter as I walked away.

Omowashe Omorishe#15

Bridal Shower

bridal shower

Lana has been a rock through the highs and lows of the wedding preparation. Despite employing a wedding planner, there were loads of activities and things to do that would have been overwhelming and daunting.

She had bullied me into making up my mind about the gown I wanted after visiting several shops, and nothing appealed to me.
My dream dress was one of sophistication laced with classical in between of conservative and provocative. I wanted an elegant gown that did justice to the best features of my body while hiding away its imperfection and throwing into the limelight its perfection.

Phil has been more out of town than in, working on wrapping the project at Dubai so he could take a holiday off for the honeymoon. We were going to Casablanca. The beautiful city of Morocco ruled by monarchy like the United Kingdom. I still had my research to do although Phil had drawn up an itinerary he had asked me to find places of interest I would love to visit.
I often wondered how I got lucky to be loved by a guy that was almost too perfect. He was the perfect gentleman, kind, considerate, generous, and honest and gave me room to be me. He loved me with an intensity that scared me but one that I ultimately returned. You could feel the sparks whenever we were together. Thinking of Phil had a way of lighting up my face. It is the knowledge of that contentment you feel knowing your heart has found its home.
Call me crazy but I desperately wanted what I had for Lana. I watched Andrew in the office, and I do not think my eyes were fooling me. Although he tried hard to mask it, it was evident he had something for Lana. Perhaps he did not know it himself, but something was going on nonetheless oblivious to both of them but might eventually happen, and I hope it did. If Bode was out of the picture, she needed a little nudge in the right direction at seeing other options, particularly, one that was right before her eyes every day.

I had only met Bode twice during our national youth service corps but was surprised he remembered me when I ran into him at the Superstores on the Island
“Hi, you are Lana’s friend?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered juggling my memory to where I knew the face.

“I’m Bode Coker. He introduced himself to me judging from my vague look. I could not remember the face. I was terrible with faces but great with names. I never forgot a name. It could sometimes be embarrassing and in my younger days, my friends usually thought I was pretending, but it was a fault I worked so hard to overcome but had stuck to me like a shadow and since the name was my thing I used that to my advantage.

“Bode Coker!” I squealed and gave him a quick hug like a long lost brother.

“My God! When did you come into town?” I asked trying to come to terms with this encounter and what it could mean.

“Was I supposed to be out of town?” he asked with confusion is his brown eyes.

“I got this feeling you were out of the country although things were not okay between you and Lana,” I replied.

“Yeah that was five years ago, and it was a six months training,” he said his eyes twinkling now at my confusion.

“How’s Lana doing?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

“She is good, but whatever happened to you two?” I ventured boldly without wasting time, and this was my opportunity to get the facts right and see how I could help them to get back together.

“Your friend must have told you,” he said with a hint of disbelief in his voice taking a deep breath like one letting the tension out, but the tension was several years ago.

“No, she did not. That is one of the only areas Lana has her lips sealed. She only guaranteed me that you were not the reason for the breakup which is why I am still here having a conversation with you.And not looking at some way to inflict bodily harm on you, equal to the pain she has been going through all these years,” I said watching for any telltale sign in his eyes.

“I must thank my stars, but you must be exaggerating your friend’s pain,” he said with a look of hurt in his eyes.

“How’s she doing?” he asked with so much love that I almost broke down at what these two people have been going through over the years but confused that he had made no effort to contact her.

“If you were so concerned, why have you not checked on her more so you have been in the same city?” I asked bewildered but sure to get my answers from him today.
“Lana spelt it out that she I was not to check on her and she would contact me when she came to terms with what she was dealing with at that time,” he said the pain in his eyes now replaced with regret.

“She said she wanted time and what I thought will be one month turned into five years, and here I am still waiting,” he said sadly.

“You are kidding me right?” I asked shocked.

“I know Lana said she developed cold feet but not keeping to her word is very unlike her. But come to think of it, you mean Lana never got back to you, and you never bothered to see her for an explanation all these five years?” I asked short of stunned.

“I am sorry to say this, but I am yet to meet two clueless people in love oblivious to the unnecessary pain they have caused each other and more so to themselves” I voiced my opinion with much chagrin.

“You do have a good idea of Lana’s capability. She loves you to take her at her word. Had I showed up then it would have been futile,” he answered exasperatedly.

“One thing that Lana made clear was that you were a better person than her,” I commented.

“She could not have been more wrong. Looking back at the years I should have not given in without fighting back for the love we once shared,” he said resignedly.

“Do you think I still have space in her life?” He asked with a vulnerability I had not seen before.

“Lana, is the only person who can provide the answer but if you never try to find out how would you know?” I asked.

“She never talked about you. Your name is more like a taboo. I don’t think she got over you, but she is too stubborn to admit it. You will have to win her back with slowly with a constant show of love and affection. Let her see that you are won’t change now or in the future. If you can do that, you might stand a chance of winning her back,” I advised.

“Let it be on her terms. If she wants to see you or not. Let what she feels for you grow. In one shell let her make her decision without pressure,” I added.

“That is what I have allowed her to do and see where it got us,” he argued.

“You will let her be, but not from outside the scene. Be in her life but not crowd it,” I encouraged him.

What I said did not seem to make any sense even to me, but I had heard Lana lament to know how important that was to her.

“She does not believe in love existing after marriage. She feels what happens while dating flies out of the window after the wedding,” I offered a feeble explanation nonetheless hoping the message gets through to him.

“She never gave me a clue,” he said surprised, and I could see the battle on his face as he tried to take in all I said.

“I wonder if it is the same person we are talking about here,” he said.

“Perhaps you never knew her, I concluded.

“Nothing is guaranteed with Lana. I hope you know that, but you can put in all your best and hope it all works out,” I advised.

“When and if you do get back together, you’ll have to do a lot more talking so understand each other,” I said.

“As her friend, I want what is best for her, and if that is you in her life you have my blessing,” I said wishing with all my heart that Lana will see how good a second chance she has been handed and make good use of it.

“Here,” I said giving him my wedding and complimentary card.
“We work in the same office, I offered. Giving Bode a lifeline on how to reach her.

I left Bode feeling exhilarated hoping that Lana will thank me one day for meddling in her affairs. But she needed this push to shore. I tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing as I had no intention of letting her know about me meeting with Bode Coker.
I hoped the surprise element would work, with Lana thinking and analysing everything through she would be taken unawares, and her reaction would be more likely to be from her heart and not her head.

*************

Peju and I eventually made the trip to London, three weeks before her wedding. She said it was time out as single girls together. It was a fun trip and one we shopped. I could not have come this way without taking back souvenirs. That’s what I called them, but they turned out to be my full two luggage allowance and extra luggage.

A week to Peju’s wedding we had the bridal shower. The event was both hilarious and teary. We invited Phil for the hot seat section. The other girls had questions for him.
When he walked in, dressed in the traditional attire of white guinea brocade designed in grey embroidery and black palm slippers. His well-shaved look with the hairs around his mouth like that of Banky W the Nigerian R and B crooner, the ladies were swooning while Peju gestured “he’s not available,” with the rest of the girls bursting into giggles.

Time for the hot seat.
And I was the one reading out the questions as the girls submitted them in the raffia basket I passed around.
We started with Phil.

“Where did you first meet her and when?”

“Monday,10th of July 2006 at precisely 8:45pm.I first met Peju at the Marco Polo Restaurant on the island one evening. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, and I wanted to get to know her. Unfortunately, I had no clue to who she was and I was in the middle of a business meeting.
I took a brief excuse for the gents only to go towards the service point and order an ice bucket of champagne to her and the lady she was with which was turned down.
I did not know when they left, and I lost that opportunity. I could not recognise her friend as she had her back to me who now I know as Lana. Had I seen Lana, I probably would have met Peju faster as Lana, as Lana was in my office the next that same week.
However, Cupid smiled on me when at my Mother’s birthday, I saw her again, vowed never to let her go. The rest is history.
Being the moderator, I mouthed to Peju, girl we must have a talk tonight. How come I was just finding that out tonight? I recalled that night perfectly. I had been upset, and Peju drove off after work for a meal at our beloved Chinese restaurant.

The other girls were clapping and smiling as Phil stole their hearts with his precision and accuracy. I caught Chinwe wiping a tear or two from her face.

Turning to Peju, “When was the first time you met him?” I asked the same question.

“At his mother’s party. I took a look at him, and I was smitten. Mine was love at first sight,” she said with a smile on her face bright enough to compete with the sun.

“As the moderator and one who has been with them from the beginning but whose job but will ultimately end next week Saturday, I can confirm their story,” I joked.

I directed the next question at Peju.

“What do you like best about Phil?

“His thoughtfulness, kindness, devotion and love and his hot looks – the typical tall, dark and handsome romance character,” she teased.

This seat is not hot enough,” I challenged the girls sending in the questions

“Phil, what do you love most about Peju?” I read the next question.

“She is beautiful in a drop dead gorgeous way, gentle and kind. She laughs a lot and love to tease, and she is all real and no pretence,” he answered with a triumph grin his face.

I have another question here. But Phil signalled to me as I drew close he whispered he had to leave urgently. We would have gone on, but Phil had to go for another engagement.

We rocked the party till midnight as we all shared how we met Peju, our good wishes on her journey to matrimony and gifts.

The girls bombarded Peju with questions about the wedding night with a lot of advice coming from people who were not even married.
I was quick to make my observation but was shut down by Agnes.
“Who says you have to be married before you know what goes on in between the sheets?” argued Agnes, a girl with a reputation for having a new boyfriend every month.

It was time to open the gifts, and we all had a good laughter as each girl explained the use of the gift.
Agnes was back on the scene with her gift of a black all net lingerie leaving nothing to your imagination.
“And this is for the wedding night, not that he requires you wear anything,” she said making moaning noises that made the rest of the girls put their fingers into their ears.

“What do you think that is? If you are not all pretending how do you recognise the noise that you are closing your ears?” she accused us.
“Peju your Nun days are over welcome to your glorious days of prostitution with Phil as your only client

We cried, we laughed, danced and had fun as we ushered Peju into the institution of marriage, the only institution you get a certificate before you start and not the usual awarded after your program.

Omowashe Omorishe#14

Love stole on me

Calm

The days flew by as we got ready for Peju’s big day. We were at work in the day and hitting the road in the evenings for dress fittings, meetings with the wedding planner, makeup artist, and hairstylist for trials interior decorator for the house. There was so much to do. I was surprised at the work that had to go in for a four-hour program.

I shuddered to think what would have happened if we had not involved the services of a wedding planner because we still had so much to do on our part.
I was fatigued weeks before the wedding, and I could only imagine what Peju was going through. I looked forward to that day more with relief that all the craziness of the last couple of weeks will end.

One of the exciting moments of the event was my meeting with Phil’s Mum. I had all but forgotten about our meeting at her birthday party and how drawn I was to her. Mrs Idowu was grace and beauty personified. If getting such a woman was in the marriage package, I would not have minded being in Peju’s shoes with the kind of scary mother in law stories we hear about today. She was a breath of fresh air, and I considered Peju lucky to have her. We had several meetings with her that I had even carried on some without Peju. I did not mind she was one woman you left refreshed and ready to take on the whole world.

If I ever was asked a mentor I wanted to her to be one. She had her business and home worked out to perfection. I was surprised when I found out the companies she managed. Chief and Phil were not the only ones who had businesses in the family. She had a portfolio that rivaled theirs. I made a mental note to come back after the wedding to ask her to sign up with my Bank.

My closeness to the family during this period was a delight to see how they all related to each other with love and adoration. Phil and his father Chief treated her like royalty. She ran the Idowu Empire, but you could also see grace and kindness around her, and there was no doubt as to why the men treated her with respect and devotion.

On one of my visits, there she was in the garden wrapped in the arms of her husband. To see elderly people with love and romance after almost thirty years of marriage was one of the sweetest things I had experienced. It made me begin to reconsider my stance. That my parents’ marriage was not the defining factor of how unions would turn out and theirs was just one of the many failed ones, and there were many other successful ones like what Chief and his wife had.

To go by the saying that you could judge how a son would treat his wife by how his father treats his mother and how he treats his mother then, Peju had hers figured out for good. Love, romance and luxury in the mix.
I did not know when it happened, but I looked forward to getting married someday when I had gathered enough courage to tear down completely my walls of unbelief about marriage. I was a step ahead in the positive direction as hope ignited in my heart.
I hope to meet that special someone who would treat me right till we were old and grey haired.

*******
I let myself in with my key. It was nice to see my mother in the living room watching a soap – Tinsel.
“Mum!” I called after greeting.

“I did not know that you watch this program. I have not been able to follow up the episodes in a long while,” I said dropping into the seat beside hers.

“I stumbled into it last month and got hooked. It is interesting and engaging,” my mum said without taking her eyes off the screen.

“How are you? She asked now looking me over. You know this mother look that pierces into your soul searching for what you are not saying.

“I am good, in between work and Peju’s wedding, I am completely swamped,” I replied.

“You both need to take it slow,” she advised.

“Any news on yours?” she asked hopefully.
Trust my mum not to miss any opportunity to ask what was dearest to her heart right now – getting me married off.

“Remain expectant, mum,” I said squeezing her hands not wanting to dampen her hope. In the past, I had either ignored the questioned or teased her on how she could not wait to get rid of me

“What was it like when you first married?” I asked her as the episode came to an end.

“It was heaven. Your Dad, and I got married in England. We were in the same university and the only Nigerians in the faculty. It was only natural we got together. More so, we were from the same state and had so much in common,” she said with the most beautiful smile I had seen on her.

“I thought yours was an arranged marriage, like one of convenience,” I teased.

“No,” she said with a shudder.

“It was the norm then, but I got lucky and married to someone wanted, and not my parent’s imposition, unlike others who were not so fortunate.

“I want to hear the whole story,” I said settling into my chair gazing at her expectantly.

“There is not much to tell,” my mum said shyly.

“Okay, Mum say the little there is to tell,” I begged.

“I saw your Dad on my first day on campus. He was one of the very few African men on campus so it was easy to notice him. He came up to me, introduced himself and told me where to find him if I needed any help. He was a year ahead of me. We became friends, and he asked me to marry him. I did at that time; that was the best thing that could happen to me.

“You were not in love?” I asked surprised.

“I liked him enough to marry him we did and started a family with Nekan, and you came along after that.

“Mum, why don’t you want to say you fell in love with him,” I chastised her? She made it sound so businesslike and obligatory even Ronald Reagan was more passionate in his tear down the wall speech to Gorbachev in West Berlin in 1987.

“I loved your Dad and still do but sometimes love is not enough,” she said sadly.

“What would be enough?” I asked. I wanted to know perhaps it would answer some of my questions.

“Hard work, discipline, sacrifice, keeping in- laws out of your personal issues, communication and understanding,” she reeled out with ease.

“Was that what was missing for you and Dad? You live like strangers and try to hide it, but Nekan and I saw through it,” I told her emboldened by the heart to heart moment.

“We sought to stay together beyond our differences to give you girls a home, but I guess it did not make a difference, she sighed dejectedly.

“Mum,” I called and held her hands compassionately grateful for the sacrifice she made staying in an enduring marriage just for my sister and me.

“You both must have done your best. What I saw in our home, influenced my decision to stay off marriage but in the last few weeks preparing for Peju’s wedding, I saw that not all marriages end up disastrous, and there are lovely marriages to be desired out there. I can hope again that when I find love, I won’t run away this time. And in that hope I wish Dad, and you would find a way back to yourselves again,” I said encouraging and willing her to fight for her marriage.

“We are far too gone apart that love matters less now. A lot has happened with complications that are now too difficult to resolve,” she said wiping away her tears.

I was taken aback by my mum’s tears. My mum might not want to declare her love for my Dad, but you could see it shining through her eyes.
We were both carried away in our discussion that we failed not hear my Father come in. I had no idea how long he had stood there and what he had heard, but he came and stood in front of my mum wiping her eyes as he pulled her up into his arms.

“It has been too long Dupe, but we can work it out together,” my Dad whispered to her.

I slipped out leaving the new lovebirds with a song rising in my heart. Miracles do happen.
All things were going looking up pleasantly for me except I had lost Bode for good. I close my eyes and allow the pain to wash over me one last time as I vowed to move on and hope love will find me again.

Bode’s story did not end with me not calling and giving up. I knew he was back in town from a mutual friend and collected his address to pay him a surprise visit, apologise and remind him of his promise to wait for me rather than call on the phone.

I dressed that day, taking care of my makeup and dress with hints of what he had said he liked when we dated, colour, shoes, dress style. It was a peace offering. I had no doubt we would work out our relationship and make up for the lost years.If only I had an inkling of the drama that awaited me when I arrived at his place.The shock I received when I got to his place and found out he was married was enough to send me to an early grave.

The lady introduced herself to me as his wife. I remember the look of satisfaction on her face at my disbelief and disappointment and how she wagged her ring finger in my face, possibly in a bit to taunt me.

She obviously knew who I was and enjoyed the pain I was going through. I did not blame her. My loss was her gain. She had a fantastic guy, and it was okay to show off especially to an ex who discarded him like a dishcloth.
How I made it back home that day driving was a blur, but I did get home safely to deal my misery.

I cried for weeks, heartbroken and there was no one to confide in. I had made my bed and had to lie on it, but it was not what I wanted. If only I could turn the hands of the clock back to the day, I told Bode I needed a break. If only I could explain to him my fears and how I felt. If only I had called him back that same day that I had not meant all I said as my heart yearned to. If only I had not given into the logical side of my brain and analysed my romance like a science experiment.

The if-only were too many, but they were not going to bring me out of the hole I fell in. I never thought I could get out. It was the feeling of being afraid to breathe. Going through all the motions of life but your heart was not in it. I was a living dead. I lost what mattered most because I was too selfish to recognise the best gift that was handed to me in the person of Bode Coker and now I had lost him forever.

In my grief, I convinced myself that I was okay, my career was enough, and there was no room for romance or family. I had a wall around my heart enforced my beliefs which were gradually crumbling down.
Love and family were okay, and I could pray to open my heart at a second chance if I was lucky to get one.

Omowashe Omorishe#12

Blame game – Hormones

blame game

I was literally sleeping on my feet as I stole a glance at Peju wondering how she was getting on so perfectly after the horrendous journey we encountered, with little or no sleep over the night and a dash home to bath, change and back at the office short of a minute late. I recall seeing her taking a quick cup of coffee before leaving the house. Maybe that is her secret.

Moving towards the tea room to settle for a cup of pure black coffee, no cream or sugar. I took the bitter liquid in gulps closing my eyes in a bid to get the drink successfully down my throat.

I had almost finished the cup of coffee when I heard someone come in.

“You have the word torture screaming from the look on your face,” said my boss Andrew.

“It either this or I’ll be useless today,” I replied.

“You could have taken the day off and resumed tomorrow,” he said.

“Did not think it was an option, I’ll survive,” I replied turning to wash the used mug and rolled my eyes like he would have approved.

We were all getting used to this his beautiful side gradually but the old him we knew was ingrained in our subconscious. In his draconian days, you dared not dream of taking a day off, it was never approved, sick leaves were documented with a Doctor’s report, and missed days reported to the Human resource with a memo in your file at the Branch.

“Did you enjoy your trip?” he asked. He seemed to want to linger here in the tea room.

“The trip was splendid. I must say and eat humble pie. All the places you mentioned were exquisite. I loved every minute of it except when we landed at the Murtala International Airport, Lagos. There was no light, everywhere was dark and hot except for the illumination coming from the use of rechargeable lanterns.

In this 21st Century. It was crazy, and to make the situation worse, the conveyor belts were not working so the luggage were handled manually. We spent close to 3 hours after landing at the airport.

“Welcome back home,” he said.

I know he was referring to the difference from Dubai to Lagos, but why did I feel it was more like welcome home my dear.

I shook my head I must be going nuts with Peju’s engagement.

He seemed to want to say something more but changed his mind.

“See you around,” he said leaving as I followed him out.

There was a shout of “Happy Birthday!” from the rest of the colleagues out there. I knew it was not my birthday yet, mine was some few days away and not sure whose it was.

Then it dawned on me. It was the boss’s. Andrew looked rather surprised. I guess he did not expect us to know. We had never bothered in the previous years. I wondered who found out and how we did not know on Friday before leaving work.

So the whole office sang the happy birthday song for him. Apparently, the unit in charge of birthdays and other celebrations provided him with a gift which was presented by Peju.

“You have been superb at hiding it all these years and this time around we found you out,” I commented liking the look of utter shock and astonishment on his face.

He thanked us not without noticing Peju’s engagement ring and offering his congratulations as the whole office gave theirs too. The smile on Peju’s face was priceless.

This whole weekend had revealed something I had never noted or refused to note about my friend. She was euphoric with her engagement which made me remember mine to Bode. I had refused to take a ring from him then. My reason was I did not want to brand myself, should the relationship fail. I wanted to be sure I knew what we were doing. I think right from the beginning I had held back from the relationship. I had no hope or belief that we would end up at the altar. It was a trial for me. To test the waters, if it would work but I guess in the end, it was as I had feared. I was not strong enough to want that relationship, it was not significant enough to make it work, the love Bode showered was not robust enough to keep us together because I had no love to give in return.

I did not know what it was to give yourself completely to another. I was too much of myself to let go. I wondered if all my thoughts made sense to me, but seeing Peju, I doubted I could love the way she did. There was nothing wrong with Bode and me. I was not able to love back the way he did and felt guilty. I did go back to him as I promised when I had worked out my feelings but it was already too late.

The wound from my experience could not heal to allow me to venture out and try again. I closed my heart and ran away from every guy that looked like he wanted more than I could give. I had a history.

I must have been deep in my thoughts for I did not hear a word of the speech Andrew gave, and we were all dispersed to our desk. It was not an excuse not to work because it is the boss’s birthday.

Why don’t they declare holidays on such days? I could do with one today.I thought.

I ran through my calendar to check the clients I had to visit and issues to tackle as I planned the week.

How did I miss that? We had a meeting with Chief Emeka Ani in Festac town. A wealthy shipping mogul at 12 pm with my Manager.

I called him to find out if he had it on his calendar and would be able to make it.

I was glad he did. We should be setting out by 10 am if we were to make it. I called the driver to the pool car as ours had taken his for servicing. The guy chooses odd days to service his car. Who would do such at the beginning of the week when he could have used a weekend? I fumed. The pool driver had been taken out by another team.

“Of course, we would be using the manager’s car,” I chuckled to myself, why was my brain slow this morning.

A headache was setting in. “I could not deal with problems, not today,” I muttered to myself.

My Manager and I were meeting Chief Emeka Ani for the first time. I had been running after an appointment with him for six months. My lucky break came when I met him at another client’s daughter’s wedding. I stuck to him like a leech until he gave me an appointment which was three months away. I called last week to reconfirm the meeting and was too glad when it was confirmed. I half expected the man to cancel it.

I printed the dossier I had on the client so that my Boss could read it on the way.

The report contained personal as well as business information about his net worth and network.

Chief Emeka was the largest individual shipping magnate in the country, and a lot of the importer and few exporters in the country made use of his shipping line. He had friends in high places especially the customs and it was a taboo to prevent his ship from unloading at the port or delayed from leaving.

The Customs Controller General was his friend. Last Christmas chief had doled out the latest Honda cars as gifts to top personnel in the customs.

While I was not playing the role of a police officer, I did not need to be a Sherlock Holms to know that Chief was playing in dirty waters and all these gifts released was to ensure his business ran smoothly. Nevertheless, mine was to get him to use my Bank for all his transactions ensuring that the bank is safe and not roped into any financial crimes saga in the future. Foremost was to get all the proper documentation in place validating the authenticity of his business and should there be any problem in the future, the risk to our bank will be mitigated.

***********

Andrew read the dossier on the way to the 12 pm appointment with Chief Emeka. The dossier had been Lana’s idea on most of the account she signed on to the company.

It was Lana and her friend Peju that prepared reports on clients for him to read before any meeting. The girls must be good in information gathering, or they had someone who did it for them professionally. The reports were so thorough that details and events of both personal and business lives of clients were available chronologically that you could almost make an inference on their next move.

They left nothing to chance, mundane details like preferred colours, drinks, relaxation spots, favourite child, and football club were all in there.

I liked the idea of the report because it gave you an idea of how to approach and present your proposal to the person. You were not coming from a blind perspective but from an informed position with knowledge good enough to get into the head of the client, prompt his questions and answer them proactively. It gave you an upper hand to close the deal.

It was not a wonder how they both amassed a huge clientele base of high net worth individuals. The portfolio between the two friends were some three to four branches put together.

I asked a question while perusing the report and was surprised not to get a response. Glancing up, I noticed Lana was fast asleep with her head at an odd angle.

I tapped her lightly so she could adjust her head but she was far gone into dreamland to have noticed. I don’t know why but looking at her sleeping so peacefully without her guarded demeanour and armour of efficiency, she looked vulnerable. I felt this protective instinct to protect her but from what I asked myself. Keep to your professional role. I chided myself.

I placed the middle seat down and guided her head so she could sleep as comfortably as possible. A nap should help. She must be tired coming straight from Dubai to the office, these ladies think they are superhuman, now nature has come calling, and you can’t argue or fight back but succumb.

I decided to settle in my corner of the car with today’s newspaper reading from page to page starting from the sports section hoping that should kill time.

“Sleeping on duty?” I teased when I heard her stir.

“Did I sleep?” She asked the obvious question alarmed.

“I am sorry sir,” she apologised.

Shaking my head, I said, “No Madam” in response to her using “sir” after one too many reminders it was no longer applicable to our workplace.

“You need not give apologies. I doubt your coffee and all the forces of the world could have prevented you,” I teased again watching her squirm.

Why I loved to tease her at most opportunities were lost on me but with my sister away I guess old habits don’t die you look for the next available target and Lana was one.

I watch her check her time with a gasp as she lounged into her bag like a dog looking for a bone in the sand.

Then she came up with a black bag the size of a sandwich, not until she opened it did I understand what the fuss and hurry were about.A cosmetic bag with items in different shapes and sizes.It was a wonder the things that small bag contained.

She started some repair work on a face that looked okay to me only when she finished. She looked more than looked good.

Lana put on a red lipstick like the one I saw her with at Chief Idowu’s function some few months ago. Now how did I remember that? I hope I am not becoming paranoid.

She smacked her lips together satisfactory.

“He likes red lipstick,” she remarked.

“Who?” I asked alarmed.

“Chief Emeka,” she answered like it was something I should know.

I looked at her clueless,” if he likes red lipstick what has that got to do with you?” I was clearly annoyed I thought my team members were a better breed of ladies. It was common knowledge that most of the women in marketing and sales included their bodies in the package. I had told my team members. The Bank will not condone such behaviour.

“I can’t afford to look anything that would put him off.That could close our discussion fast,” Lana said without caution.

“It’s human psychology,” she continued like we were having a normal conversation.

I mused at what she said.

“Don’t you think it rather sends another message other than the professional front you want to put up?” I asked through seethed teeth controlling the anger I felt

“No,” she argued.

“You would not want to stay longer with me if I was wearing a colour or perfume that you found disgusting,” she said digging into her bag to spray her perfume not without opening the window.

‘Thanks”, I said appreciating her thoughtfulness although she should not be doing all that in the car.

“This account means a lot to you?” I asked trying to get into her head and see things from her perspective. I did not like the desperation I read in all these moves.

“Like every account sir,” she said noncommittally.

“Do you want me to back off? I see you have it all sorted out,” I getting irritable and could not understand why.

“Nope, Chief likes dealing with the big shots, he will feel slighted if I did not come with the Branch head,” she explained.

“Then we have to make you one very soon,” I said as a matter of fact.

“Not until another five years going by my projection,” she answered.

I was not surprised she had thought of it. I smiled.

My thoughts started spinning. I should work on moving Peju and Lana to branch heads soon they were doing great jobs and did not need that five years projection. I will do a report on them at the end of the quarter and submit to the Regional Manager. But I was not pleased if they had joined the bandwagon of those selling their bodies to meet their targets.

The meeting with Chief Emeka was productive. The man signed on before we left with a hefty cheque of N20 billion naira.

Where Lana gets her contacts from still baffles me. She had a string of high net worth individuals on her portfolio and managed them well.

I did not miss the way Chief Emeka eyes kept ogling at her and sometimes her legs.

I was sick to my stomach at a time when he licked his lips. These were examples of men that brought shame to us men and made women classify us as dogs on prowl settling for anything in skirts even if they were young enough to be your daughters.

I sat so straight in my disgust that I could feel the pain in my back. I could not wait to finish the meeting and leave.

What further baffled me was how oblivious Lana was to the undercurrent going on in the room. I did wonder what would have happened if Lana came alone. He certainly looked like one that was ready to pounce on his prey. I doubted if he thought she was coming with someone.

I did not like the man. I would not deal with him either at close range or with a long stick.

Lana needed to be careful in her dealings with this man and other men like him.

I drew a long breath the moment we were out of his office. I could not quantify the relief I felt to be out of that office.

*******

I was shocked to realise I slept in the car on our way to Chief Emeka’s office.

I could not recall placing the middle seat to rest my head and wondered if Andrew did but I could not conjure the thought in my head that he would go out of his way. He is my boss.

The speed at which I reached for my bag to do damage control to what would have become of my face must have been hilarious because when I stole a glance at his face, he was looking bewildered.

I picked the red lipstick I had used during Chief Idowu’s party and applied to my lips.

I teased my Manager that the client liked it, and we had to do what the client wanted after all they were the ones that said the customer is king.

He looked more infuriated and argued if I was not sending wrong messages to the client.

I don’t know why I did not bother to correct him that I was joking.

I had never pushed my looks before my professional front to any client.

All my clients have been well behaved and respectful men if they misbehaved I had no clue as none never came my way.

I felt Andrew was unnecessarily going overboard for nothing. He was behaving more like a jealous boyfriend than a boss.

As we left Chief Emeka’s office, Andrew waited for me to step out o the office and followed with his hand on the small of my back. I felt like an electric current passed through me but recovered quickly and began stewing in my silent rage. Why did I feel like he was placing a seal of ownership on me?

I was not about to jump into Bed with Chief. He was not and would not be the first client I had, and Andrew did not always go with me to see these Clients.

The moment we got to the car.

I told Andrew exactly how I felt.

He smiled, “I did not now it was evident,” was all he said with no remorse.

“I would have done the same for my sister,” he said.

“You are not meat. You are a human being, and men should look at you beyond your curves and legs,” he said stubbornly.

“That was not professional,” I retorted. I would have been madder if we had lost the N25 billion but I was mad all the same because I felt Andrew was saying to me I could not handle things on my own.

“I do not need anyone to protect me out there. You do not always go out with me for my calls. I do not sell my body. I never have and will not contrary to all the stories you hear out there of how girls in this line of career sleep around for deposits,” I was livid and did not care he was my boss. He had crossed the line.

“All I have made has been professional with no strings attached. I use information and loopholes I recognise in their financial services. And any useful information I glean from my dossiers. If you want people to buy anything from you, have to position what you are selling to meet your needs,” I said coldly.

We got into the car, and you could cut the vibes with a knife.

Why was I angry?

He had only but looked out for me, and I was upset about it.

Would I have been okay with it, if he was not perturbed?

I could not answer all the questions flying around my head.

“I heard Peju’s voice in the background.

You questions and reason everything. You can’t always be in control.

I did not like the fact that he did not trust me.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I gave a start, and my eyes flew open when I felt pressure on my hands.

Andrew had taken my hands in one of his and was rubbing with the other as you would do trying to calm a petulant child.

“I am not a child,” I said as I snapped my hands away from with his.

“You’re tired. I never meant to treat you like a child,” he said in his baritone voice.

The sound was so soothing that I was afraid I would ending up bowling in front of him and the driver. My head was messed up. My nerves were raw. I would soon find fault with a fly if it came within my reach.

“Your journey and coming straight to work must be taking a toll on you. I’ll have the driver drop you off at home,” he said like he did not hear a single thing I said earlier.

“You can take the rest of the day off. You’ve earned it,” he smiled his boyish smile.

“Thanks, I smiled too wanting to apologise but stubbornly fighting it back but in the end in a small inaudible voice, I said, “sorry.”

“That’s okay,” he said taking my hands again and this time around I did not fight back.

Omowashe Omorishe#11

Dreams come true

ring5

Dubai has been fun all the way. I have not been able to get over the giddiness of being on the trip. I had a fabulous time of wandering around and googling wide-eyed at its picturesque. The city is beautiful. It has been an experience that would linger in my memory for a long time. My beloved Naija paled in comparison to this town of perfection and possibility.
I marveled at every work of architecture and the display of wealth as I moved around the city. For the first time, my loyalty and preference to my roots wavered, and I could hear the winds luring me to consider a relocation.
It was a feeling of how you suddenly realise that your parent’s garden is not as vast and exquisite as you always believed until you stepped out to see bigger and more lovely gardens out there. Much to my chagrin, came the discovery on my maiden voyage out of the shores of my motherland.
Before now, I had never traveled out of the country. While others traveled out for summer vacation, my sister and I slugged it with our father traipsing the length and breadth of the country. We were privileged to learn and relate to its history and diverse culture. It could also be responsible for my patriotic nature. Sadly that too is now in question with only one visit out.
Now I am filled with regret for not taking the Paris offer. There is a new drive to see the world. I have already added cities to visit on my bucket list of things to do before turning thirty. Places like Madrid and Barcelona in Spain, Venice in Italy, Cairo in Egypt, Puerto Rico, London and New York. I have promised myself the luxury of globetrotting.
On the last night of our trip, I was too tired to venture out. Luckily I had seen all there was to see on my list of places to visit. I decided to rest my feet and read a book before going to bed.
I must have slept off when Peju burst in the room shaking me vigorously to break her good news as she narrated to me the next morning.
I probably must have been offended in between my state of dreamland and light consciousness. I heard her announce her engagement to Mr Phillip Idowu CEO Ideal Oil and Gas, Business mogul and Lagos most eligible bachelor. Flipping her ringed finger before my half closed eyes, I groggily gazed at her babbling incoherently as I tried to make sense of all she was saying.
The next morning was none too hilariously because Peju was sleeping when I spotted the ring on her finger. I shook her mercilessly with an infectious excitement and a scream that came out with a sound similar to the screech from a car on high speed whose break is applied suddenly.
“You sly fox when did you get this? Last night? And you did not wake me up?” she asked in her peculiar way of throwing several questions at you in one breath.
She woke up with a start and looked at me like I had grown horns on my head or something much worse.
“Last night and I woke you up to break the news.” she said indignantly.
“No, you did not,” I challenged her this was is not a piece of news one could ignore or forget overnight.
“I did. You woke up looked at me mouthed may be congratulations or perhaps a get lost,” Peju explained wearily.

“No, you did not,” I insisted.
I would not have bothered to wake you up if it was stale news.” I reasoned with her.
“Yeah,” she answered drily.
Nevertheless, I found it hard to believe that I slept through the breaking news.
“Not only did you sleep through, but you also treated my story like it was no news at all. The only reason I did not pour a bucket of water over to wake you was the thrill I would get this morning when you found out. And I have not been disappointed,” Peju said with a full smile.
I heaved a sigh of relief not without throwing a pillow at her before I picked her hand and gazed at the ring sparkling a thousand glittering lights in all directions.
“You got your dream girl. I am super excited for you. Wasn’t it some few months ago I was talking about marrying you off. How fortunate I am not to have to embark on such an arduous assignment and here you are snagging the most priced bachelor,” I said, and this got her smiling from ear to ear.
I did a double take on my observation which got me thinking, and I was quick to share my thoughts.
“Peju, what are you more excited about, meeting the guy of your dreams or snagging this wealthy boyfriend. You seem to me in love more with his status than his person.”
“My dear some things should be clear to you already as to who I am. I was not looking for money when Phil came along, but I would not deceive myself that it is thrilling to be blessed to meet someone good looking, caring, thoughtful and wealthy. What more can any girl ask for in life?” she asked dreamily.
“Plenty,” I answered stubbornly.
I did agree with her that wealth coming with the package was a plus, but there were many sides to a man than his possession.
“If you and I were to plan this trip, how long do you think we would have saved without feeling pain when we check our bank balances? I doubt we would have been able to be here on our bill and staying at the Pullman Hotel. If it were a loan, we probably would have been paying monthly installment right to our graves. So I am excited about him and my new life of love, laughter and luxury.”
I could not argue with her on this one.
“Kai like those romance books kuwa! She exclaimed injecting words from her acquired native Hausa language.
I stare at her blankly.
“Hello!” waving my right hand in front of her face to bring her out of her supposed trance.
“I am lost here with your gibberish,” I said.
“It is an exclamation which did not change the meaning of what I said just adding weight to the words like when you use the word “honestly”. I have not sold you yet, still looking for the highest bidder,” she teased.
“Whatever? I said shrugging my shoulders with an attitude.
“Back to our gist. I wish you all the happiness possible,” I said lifting an imaginary cup in a toast.
“Thank you,” she said clicking her imaginary cup with mine.
“I’ll make a bargain with you upfront which is I get to go on some trips with you, all – expense paid.
“Now who is the sly fox?” she asked grinning.
“I am negotiating before you enter your kingdom and forget us mere mortals,” I teased.
“I can’t forget you. It can’t and won’t happen. You are a girl’s best friend.”
“Oh please!” I said rolling my eyes.
“I do what I need to do because it is the right thing to do and we both stand in to pitch our help for one another. We have each others back, appreciate respect each other. If anyone has kept our friendship is more you than me so don’t praise me. I said with nose crinkling and too quickly added, “we should be celebrating and not going sentimental.”

We ordered room service for our breakfast, raqaq, one of the most traditional bread known in the UAE, with cheese and Iranian Coffee. For desert Fruit salad with olives in it and a jug of orange juice.
I spat out the olives in disgust as soon as I tasted it. Thankfully it was just Peju and I. It would have been utter misery to swallow it down my throat. I had seen the small black fruit, the size of a grape during our previous meals and had stirred clear off it until today I decided to be adventurous enough to try it out, and how grave my reward was.
“The olive taste horrible!” I exclaimed wondering what all the noise about olives is.
“It is healthy and good for the body,” Peju commented.
“I can use the oil but to take the fruit is a no-no for me,” I said as a matter of fact.
“Why do most healthy foods have nasty tastes and our favourites have a fantastic taste but are not healthy options?” I wondered aloud.
A question I am not able to adequately answer but what comes to mind is the use of refined sugars in their preparation.
While I ranted, Peju took all the olives without a complaint.
“How can you eat that? It’s got a bitter taste. ”I asked looking at her dubiously wondering what she added to hers. Peju has a sweet tooth she could not have eaten the olives.
“It’s healthy, and that is my singular motivation. You don’t see olives on the streets back home,” Peju answered too sweetly.
“I know that, but I can’t get it down my throat,”I grumbled downing a cup of juice to make the awful taste go away.
I eyed the olives on Peju’s plate like it was some mortal enemy.
And I courageously put one in my mouth.
“Oh now, you’ve been eating this sweet berry in the name of olive.”
For reasons I could not explain Peju had blackberry while I had olive and to watch her go on preaching her sermon on healthy foods feasting on blackberry.
“I should have guessed earlier,” I muttered.

Today being the last day, we spent the better part of the day indoors to conclude on packing our luggage. Phil had a meeting this morning. Although it was Sunday, in Dubai Sunday was what Monday was to us back at home. He would be seeing us later in the day. He was not coming back with us as he still had work to do and won’t be in Nigeria for another three weeks.
The hours spent sitting on the plane was the only aspect of the trip I did not like. Although on our flight in, there were films to watch to keep one busy and I had brought books to read, it was disheartening to have to sit that long in just a small space. Sleep that would have been the best option chose that moment to elude me. I was looking forward to going home but not the long, arduous trip ahead.
At the airport, I had to leave the love birds discreetly alone. I might have accused Peju earlier in the day that she could be more in love with his money that who he was but watching them hugging like never to let go dispelled any doubts I had. I could see genuine love in both eyes. I might not be looking for romance for myself, but that did not mean I could not recognise a real one when I saw it.
There were tears in Peju’s eyes as she joined me where I was. My joke died on my lips when I saw how distraught she was looking. It was neither the appropriate time nor season. I looked over at Phil he was worse than Peju, the guy looked like he was ready to start howling in the airport as tears shone in his eyes. I took Peju away and hastily waved to him. It won’t be good to see a grown man crying in the airport.
I held my friend in a fierce embrace. I have done well so far and would not give in no matter how beautiful it looked when people fell in love. The heart and the drama were too much and intense for me. And somewhere along the line, the feelings cease and people fall out of love. I doubted if Peju and Phil would fall out of love. It did not look it in the few weeks I have seen them together. I was almost beginning to believe that somewhere and in someplace love could be eternal but not for me.

Omo washe omo rishe #3

I choose my career 2

office-lady
After a long night, I stood up to leave. I jokingly said if we were not careful we might check the time and realise it’s the morning of the next day. Indeed glancing at my watch, it’s already midnight. He also stood up and the next minute he was was one knee staring into my eyes.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my eyes wide with surprise. I had always dreamt of being proposed in the old English way and this guy who stole my heart without even trying to, was here, on his knees. “Olulana Oluwatooni, I love you from the first day I saw you but not until being way did I realise how much it hurts not to have you around. I want you, not as a girlfriend. I want you as my fiancée. The girl I would get married to and be the mother of my kids. I will support you to be the best you can be in all your goals, career and ambition.

“Olulana Oluwatooni, I love you from the first day I saw you but not until being away, did I realise how much it hurts not to have you around. I want you, not as a girlfriend. I want you as my fiancée. The girl I would get married to and who would be the mother of my kids. I will support you to be the best you can be in all your goals, career and ambition.
Now that part of marriage and mother of kids was quite scary but I was enjoying my Cinderella moment. This proposal topped the chart.

Being a Bimbo Odukoya mentee, I had learned earlier never to rubbish a guy who proposes to you. It took a lot of courage for him to walk up to you and if you don’t accept his proposal do not wound him and kill his self-esteem in the process. So I had my beautiful little speech of how I appreciate the fact that they considered me and how it was any girl’s dream come true. However, it was unlikely that I would be the one who would make them wake up with a smile each morning, grateful to God for this blessing in their lives some ten to twenty years later. That the girl is out there waiting for them and they needed to find her.

It was my signature rejection sentence. I never wasted their time and I often hoped that when I was to accept it would be that fast.

However, for some reason, I could not reject his proposal neither could I accept it. So I only told him, “Thank you”, and if he could, please give me more time to think it through.
In my discussion with friends, I had often berated girls who gave months and years for a response. I said you either knew it or you don’t.At that moment, I learnt never be too quick to judge people.

The month I graduated from the University and five months after he asked I gave him my consent.I had come into Lagos during the week. He was at my place over the weekend, to see me. He chatted with both my mum and I.It was surprising how he could hold her attention for so long. I could tell she was having a great time and secretly I knew she would be happy if only she knew but I was not going to tell my folks. I would be forced to take him round all my uncles and introduce him. He brought some chocolate chip biscuits that day which became my life addiction. Lucky me I do not have to visit the gym to keep the fats down.

I had come into Lagos during the week and on over the weekend, he was there to see me. He chatted with both my mum and I.It was surprising how he could hold her attention for so long. I could tell she was having a great time and knew she would be happy if only she knew but I was not going to tell my folks. I would be forced to take him round all my uncles and introduce him.I was not ready for that yet. He brought some chocolate chip cookies that day which became my life addiction. Luckily, I do not have to visit the gym to keep the fats down.

“You will get your answer today,” I said to him as I walked him out.

“Whatever the answer is, please don’t look back just keep going. I am not sure why I opted for that but somewhere I was afraid of any public display of affection.I walked away and shouted, “It’s a yes!” Bode took a leap into the air and was about to turn back and I said,

“No, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

We started our whirlwind romance and I must confess he made me feel like a princess. I only had to cough or sneeze and Bode was doing everything and anything.

I remember a time he came to the house and met my Dad in the living room. The interrogation by my Father was second to none. There behind the doors as I listened I was mortified.

“Where did you meet my daughter?” My Dad asked.
“We attended the same school sir,” he replied.
“You were in the same class?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
“Oh no sir, I graduated a year before her.”
“So what do you do now?”
“I work with a bank sir,”
“what bank and as what?”
“Marble Bank, I work in the IT Department, sir.”

The man was firing him questions on a full cylinder but you could see how calm and confident Bode was, not in an arrogant way but in an endearing way. I saw a twitch of a smile on the corners of his mouth although he appeared stern and strict.

“So what are your intentions for my daughter?”
“I love her sir, and with your approval, I would like to spend the rest of my life with her.”

The next question blew my mind.Did I see it coming? Who asks a prospective son-in-law such questions.

“What is the number of girls before my daughter have you said this same line to?”

“None sir.”
“None?”, He queried.
“How many of this none girls have you had sex with?”

At that point, I had never been more embarrassed in my life. But the guy took all so well. I guess when you have nothing to hide some issues don’t bother you. But Dad was taking this too far.

“None sir,” he replied.

My father guffawed and told him, “Tell that to the birds. You and I know that is not possible. I am a man and a young one once so you do not need to lie to me.”

It was time to stop this interrogation. I retreated and came in with a presence of one oblivious to their conversation.

“Hi Bode, you did not say you were coming”. I say as I take a seat beside my Dad facing Bode.
“I came to the area and decided to say hello before leaving.”
“Daddy meet my friend Bode Coker. We went to the same school”.
“We’ve already met”. He grunted and went back to reading his newspaper as if he had not been the one interrogating the young man before I came in.

Bode and I chit chatted for a while. We tried to involve my Dad in the chat but he appeared engrossed in his newspaper, which I knew was a facade and everything we said was going through his ears. My Dad did not leave the room. But not too long, Bode announced he was leaving.

Outside I apologised to Bode on my Dad’s behalf.
He laughed, “you mean you heard all that?”
“Don’t mind him. He is too protective of his daughters. When Nekan, my elder sister married, you would think the man was contesting for the Senate,” I retorted still miffed at my Dad.
“I guess that is what any father would do and I don’t blame him”, Bode said.
I thought it was cool of him to take it that way. I sure was going to have a word with him when I went back inside.

Exactly a year, after I agreed to go out with Bode. I started feeling I needed space. Bode smothered me with too much affection and I began to feel I needed my freedom. I had to consider Bode on weekends and I was missing out on much other fun and outing with my girlfriends.

Bode was in his second year of work with Marble Bank. He was very been generous with his time and money. In between the numerous International exams, he was writing he still had time for me.

On a typical day, he could call four or more times. Initially, I loved it but somewhere down the line, I started getting irritated. To top it all, he usually picked me up from work on Fridays without a car.

We would both wait at the bus stop beside my office while my colleagues who had spent the same years in banking with him would drive off in their cars. I couldn’t explain it but after a while, It began to bother me why he could not just buy himself a car. It got to a point that nothing Bode did was right.I saw faults in almost everything.

One faithful Friday, when he called to inform me, he was on his way to pick me from work.I told him not to worry that I would be going home with a colleague from now on. I could sense the shock in the long silence that followed my announcement on the other side of the phone. Then asked when I decided that.
“Last week,” I answered without thinking.
“Lana, you are just telling me. I could have made other plans you know.”
“For reasons, I still can not explain. Perhaps a bad day at work but I still am not sure that was why. I just lashed back.
” Bode Coker, I do not owe you an explanation for what I do or do not do. You are neither my father nor my boss.”
The words were out not the way I meant it but I was too upset to care.
“Are you okay? Did something happen at work?”
I raised my voice, “Don’t patronise me, Bode.”

Why does he know all the right things to say and do. With Bode, he was just this perfect guy and at this moment. He was holding back whatever he felt to get the situation resolved.

I for one must have gone crazy. I was not sure what I wanted in the relationship anymore.
He asked if we could still see during the weekend. I said I wanted to be alone.He further inquired if he had done anything to offend me.

The truth was he had not but I was beginning to feel suffocated in the relationship. We had our first major fight that day. I was the one raising my voice. But you could hear his smooth, soothing voice enough to melt a candy. But it had no effect on me. I seem to have become steel or a rock.

He gave me my space for a whole week. He would call, I won’t pick his calls, he sent dozens of text messages that I had stopped reading so that there was no need to reply.

Sunday evening, the next weekend, I met Bode at the door of my house as I came back from an outing with some of my girlfriends. I was surprised to see him. We had not spoken in seven days. Although my heart was bleeding, I joked that I survived without him. I missed the text he sent on Friday that he was coming as I had stopped reading his text messages.

We sat outside the house. The sky was dark speckled with tiny stars appearing as white dots just like the night he proposed.
The first thing he wanted to know was if I was okay.
I loved Bode and still do but I was chasing my demons. I was the problem, not him.
Then he said we needed to talk.

“Lana, have I done anything to offend you?” He asked.

I said no. How do I explain the mirage and paradox of feelings, all battling on the inside of me?
“You say I have not offended you but you are upset with me and don’t want to see me. I don’t get it. You are acting strangely,” he said.
“I am not acting strange and you are taking the matter more serious than it is,” I argued.

There were arguments. I said hurtful things I was not proud of and it was out.

“I need a break from this relationship.”

I saw shock and then slowly pain in those eyes.

And he asked,” Is there someone else?”
“No,” I reassured him and didn’t know why I did. Maybe it was because a part of me still wanted this relationship.

“I am not asking for a break because there is someone else. I am asking for a break becauseI feel like I am losing myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. Lana is gone.The Lana you see that is your ideal Lana and that is not me. I need to find and keep myself. I love you Bode but I need to do this for me, for us.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I willed them to stay put. A drop was the excuse Bode needed to hold me and I doubted if I had the strength not to recede on the breakup and something worse might happen in the future. It was better this way. Now is the time we get to stay apart and reassess our relationship.

He was quiet for a long time.
“How long do you need this break?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know but I will call you. Please don’t call me. I need to think this through. I will call you.”
” You sure this is what you want” That was Bode even at that moment, he was looking out for me.
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“Lana, remember all I said the day I asked you out. I do not need to reassess this relationship to know if I love you enough to marry you. I want you in my present and future. I have made a life commitment to you. I will give you all the time you need. One month, three years, ten years. I will be waiting. I won’t look for you. You know where to find me.”

He stood up and walked away never turning back. I saw the sadness in those eyes. He suddenly seemed to have aged before my eyes. I was hurting. I could feel pain in my heart which must have been one tenth of what Bode was feeling.

I asked myself what have I done. My stubborn heart said to me, I needed to do this. I wanted to call him back and apologise but I also knew that as much as I loved Bode, This was for both of us to find out if we wanted this relationship or not.

The tears that were threatening to fall fell freely down my face like a dam of water let loose. I got into the house and met my mum in the living room.
She was alarmed when she saw my tears.
I just sat down beside her tired. How do I explain to her what I could not explain to myself?
“Is it Bode?” She asked
“Is he cheating on you?” she inquired further.
“No,” I answered. That was a preposterous thought. If only she knew.
” Bode seems a very responsible guy. Give it time then call him and talk things over. There are issues in all relationships which are very normal but how you handle those issues are what matters. You’ll be okay my dear. Don’t let it be too long. Never think because just 21, you have all the time. Men like Bode are hard to come by and he seems just the right guy for you. You both are just right for each other.”

My mum’s words just added to my misery and confusion. Was it not better for Bode and me to break up than to end up getting married and looking for a way out.
I thanked my dear mum and left for my room. I just needed a break it was not a total breakup. I tried to convince myself.

I never called Bode. Six months later, I called him on his birthday but his phone was off. Then four months later during the Christmas holidays, his phone was still off.
I visited his office.I learnt he had been moved to the London office four months back on a six months training course.

I fumed and was upset that he had moved out of the country without getting in touch with me I was too angry to bother trying to find him and I felt it was just a good excuse to move on. If he wanted the relationship, he definitely would have called.

A little voice in my head reminded me that I specifically told him not to call me. Bode being the perfect gentleman he was, obliged my request. He had also told me I knew where to find him.But the other part of me argued. It was silly of him not to have contacted when he was leaving the country for six months.

I do not know why I always thought that Bode will be there forever and I could always go back at any time.

In the period we had separated, I did not start any relationship. I was not looking for a relationship. I was too in love with my career to think marriage or to settle down. The husband and kids will slow down my advancement on the corporate ladder. I was an all for or nothing kind of person. I did not do anything in bits and I feared that marriage would tie me down.

So being without Bode was not a licence to look for another relationship right away.I guess in another ten years when I have made senior manager. I would be considering settling down and hopefully, the right person would come my way. If not adopt a kid or two and become a single mother. I would have considered getting any guy to sire the children for me. Although, I know I had wandered away from God since my first year at work I was not too far gone, to go about having children out of wedlock. It looked like charity to adopt. The kids needed a home and I needed kids. That is if the state would give them to a single parent.

I had my life planned out as I had always done. My life has been together the way I wanted.There was nothing out of control and no surprises. My relationship with Bode was great while it lasted. There had never been room for a relationship in my plans. Perhaps I was too selfish to think of others but myself and what I wanted.

In School, all I did was read and study to distraction. My love was my academics, my goals and my aspirations. I let my guards down with Bode but his love was not enough to satisfy me and make up for where I was heading to in life. I know he promised to back me up on my career but it was a whole more than words. Pregnancies will come and knock you one step backwards; perhaps two or three if you decide to have that many kids.Then the guilt you would feel in leaving them behind with helps, nannies and chauffeurs. I see older colleagues at work juggle and seem to balance it but I also the failures too, mishaps and near disaster stories.

I am glad or so I think to leave home each day without the baggage of family – work life balance and come back every evening to sleep. For weekends and holidays, I hit rock bottom wishing for a family to share the moments with but all that is out of the windows by Monday morning. The cycle continues.

I never heard from Bode and the years have ahead. I progressed in my career beyond my dreams and was pleased with myself. Somewhere the key to that part of my life was locked and thrown away. I was the architect of my misfortune and there was no one to blame but myself.

Story continues

Dear Readers,
Your thoughts and comments on Lana are welcome.
I would love to read from you. You can tweet, post comments on our Facebook page or use the blog.The links to our twitter and facebook are on the blog page.
1.What could have driven her to push out something so significant in her life?
2.Should Bode have just walked out without fighting for the relationship?
3.Do we believe in love at first sight? Please share.
Life is a paradox; we want what we don’t have, hold no value for what is before us and within our reach. We have misplaced values and priorities that shape our choices. We have myths that are what they are myths but seem to be a force that controls and guides our decision making.
It might not be relationships for us. It could even be a career we let go because we felt we could not balance up or cope with the stress. It could be our kids, our relationship with our maker because we felt we had wandered too far to come back. It could be a dream that we have given up on because we never bothered to try.
We make mistakes, but we should not sit and keep crying over spilt milk. We clean our eyes, dry those tears and ask what can I do now? How can I make my life better? What can I do differently?
………………………………Simply just us, women.